Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: ROMANTICIZING COHOUSING

[Deb Smyre (dsmyre]

At 09:29 AM 10/21/1999 -0500, Michael McIntyre wrote:
>
>Let's not simply leave it to the subjects of prejudice to defend
>themselves. I would hope cohousing communities are, in general,
>open-minded enough to question the dominant paradigm, honor diversity,
>and to respect consenting adults's private lifestyle and sexual choices
>and orientations in both the public and private arenas.

        The assumption seems to be that if we're part of a nontraditional
        lifestyle (cohousing), subject to public disapproval in some
        way, we'll give our unconditional approval of others in nontraditional
        lifestyles.  I would offer that 'poly people' are extremely naive
        to believe their behavior is going to be above criticism.  I would
        also offer that if arguments in favor of polyamory seem to be
        falling flat in a cohousing forum, we can only imagine how much
        worse the opinions of the general public might be.

        I believe there's a significant difference between what you
        are, and how you behave.  What you are (white, black,
        gay, straight) should not be subject to anyone's approval;
        but behavior is subject to scrutiny.  To say that polyamory
        is innate or instinctive is a weak argument, since resisting
        our instinctive urges (to murder, for example) is what 
        supposedly separates us from lower animals.

        No one has to agree with our lifestyle choices.
        If we believe in our love strongly enough, we'll endure
        whatever life dumps on us and persevere.  If the approval
        of others is important to our happiness, then we should
        choose accordingly and not whine.  Remember,
        the only behavior we can really change (if change
        is required) is our own.  We'll forever be some sad, sorry
        individuals if we're always waiting for 'society' to
        validate our choices.  

Deb <interracially married...not a whiner> Smyre

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Deb Smyre, MSW, LGSW
http://www.primenet.com/~dsmyre
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