Cohousing-L Mailing List: what is a neighbor?

[Dahako (Dahako]

The level of intensity in the polyamory discussion thread interests me because 
I?ve been musing for the last several months about what "neighbor" means in the 
context of cohousing.  

The last time I was living in such proximity to people other than my family (a 
couple decades back), I was in a very large college dorm, in a social climate 
that permitted exploring many forms of communication, community and intimacy - 
including those of a sexual nature - with whoever (or whoevers) caught my 
interest.  This time, I?m half of a long-term committed monogamous pair in the 
midst of lots of interesting people.  Exploring communication, community and 
intimacy is explicitly a goal of cohousing -- but where is the boundary that 
means the relationship I share with someone is "neighbor" or "friend" or 
"spouse" or whatever?  

OK, I?m not an idiot (usually).  I do know in practice, using social intuition, 
where the lines are.  But when I try to think about this in an organized way, I 
have trouble describing the paradigm.  So, polyamory is about people who love 
each other in various combinations committing to form a community (not 
necessarily one with a geographic locus) with combinations of interpersonal 
linkages that, ideally, add up to a network of emotional and social trust and 
support?  To me, this is akin to what the ideal main line of cohousing is about 
- except that we do not expect to be lovers, but neighbors.  

Which brings me back to the beginning - what is a neighbor in the context of 
cohousing?

Jessie Handforth Kome
Eno Commons
Durham, NC
Deb will be one of my neighbors one of these days and I am looking forward to 
it.  She has already given us one of the best community dinner discussion 
topics we?ve ever had!  (Thanks, Deb - hope you?re here soon to chime in in 
person.)