Cohousing-L Mailing List: Moving In

[PattyMara (PattyMara]

In a message dated 3/16/00 4:30:54 PM !!!First Boot!!!, NKaten947  of 
Bellingham writes:

>>Thank you for your reply. Bellingham is 80 miles north of Seattle on 
Bellingham Bay. I have enjoyed reading your "through the looking glass" 
articles on the email list & have printed them & put them in a book along 
with other what it is like to live in cohousing.  We are all moving in within 
the next month and a half staring this weekend.  Kate <<

Kate,
You're welcome.  If you haven't moved in a while you may have forgotten how 
bone-tiring it is to physically move your "stuff", and spirit-tweeking to 
disrupt one's household energy system and then reassemble at the new place.   
Multiply this by your family members, then again by the number of families 
moving. 

All your private stuff is temporarily in full view of the whole community.  
Yards will be littered with a multitude of things with no place to store 
them.  Remember the old TV show The Beverly Hillbillies?  I felt like I was a 
member of the Klampett family for about 6 months until all our stuff found 
its home.    

This creates stress.   tension.  hurt feelings.  disorientation.  insecurity. 
  

The warm-fuzzy sweater of community life that you have been knitting 
cooperatively before move-in will shrink into a tight, itchy jacket covered 
with burrs and twigs. 

Fear not.  After a few weeks, if gets easier.  Then the only thing littering 
the yard will be empty boxes.  After a month or two the mood will begin to 
lift.  As the community reforms in this new reality, the itchy jacket will 
begin to be shed.  A new soft skin will begin forming. 

I personally don't know of any way to avoid this transitional angst.  It's 
one of those things that we had to go through.  In a way, after 18 months of 
being here, we are still in transition.  Most of us have recovered from the 
exhaustion.  But the challenges remain.  

Remember  when you were young and in love with someone, when you were flush 
with the ecstasy of new love.  The relationship bloomed.  Plans were 
tentatively shared.  The relationship grew in depth and shared history.  And 
then you decided either to marry or to move in together. All along this path 
were many transitions.  The beautiful people somewhere along the line became 
just folks who wear funky bathrobes and furry slippers (mine are fake 
leopardskin).  

So like the new lovers above, we as a community have suffered and celebrated 
many transitions, gotten really pissed at one another, had some great 
parties, wear our bathrobes to go get the paper and walk each other's dogs 
when one is on vacation.  It's the road to normal.  I doubt that it will ever 
be trouble-free, but the slippers are comfortable.  

It's been said before.  Find every opportunity you can to pamper yourself, 
your family and your community.  Treat all your selves very gently.  
Celebrate with champagne or cider often.  Or chocolate.  Singing.  Dancing.  
Whatever.  

Blessings to you and your family!

coheartedly,
Patty Mara Gourley
Tierra Nueva, central CA coast
Where my 19 year old daughter is visiting overnight with three friends from 
college, all of them en route to spring break fun at a resort in Mexico.  
She's making them breakfast in the common house.  They are sleeping on the 
floor and couches of the video room.  LIfe is good.  

I am girding my loins, praying already for their safe return.  Ah, the 
rigours of motherhood.