Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: relationship issues

[Hans Tilstra (tilstra]

>From the discussion it sounds like cohousing, at times, is rich in
relationship issues. Here's a checklist:

- does the community make you feel good about yourself?
- do you reasonably value in the community the same things other members do?
- can you be honest with one another without using manipulation or game
playing?
- can you get angry with one another without thinking less of yourself or
others?
- can you accept one another instead of planning a few changes?
- is the community's behaviour consistent with its words? do the actions
show care?
- are you able to share moments of weakness, failure and dissappointment?
- can you live a happy, full life without the community? is the community
the cream in your coffee rather than the whole coffeepot?
- if you left tomorrow, would you still be glad you spent time in this
community?
- can you bear to disappoint the community when your own needs come first?
If another member does the same, can you accept it?

If you answer "yes" to only a few of these questions, then it might be an
idea to look elsewhere. If you can honestly answer "yes" to a lot of these
questions, then I imagine you'll have found a home!

The questions have been only slightly altered work by Dr Fred Grosse, a
Phoenix based gestalt therapist....

;-) Hans