Cohousing-L Mailing List: Fw: Minimum work expectations & self knowledge

[Hans Tilstra (hanstilstra]

 > This kind of learning about yourself, and each other, to understand how
you think and see the world is very worth doing if you want to live happily
ever after in a community.

 I agree with Rob and find self knowledge & a sense of relativity
contributes to the satisfaction people get from collaborating.

 As a teacher I'm acutely aware of my "should-ing". Not only do we "should"
ourselves, we also "should" everyone around us. As you read this, consider
the ease with which this phenomenon can be assigned to other people, and how
reluctant one can be to assign this to one self. Last year I drove a fumy
old Corona, now I drive a cleaner running Echo. Suddenly, I think all people
should trade in their old car. Should develop a bumper sticker for that one
really.

 Rather than seeing contributions I make as a choice, it's now packaged with
a sense of resentment that the other person doesn't share that choice. I
pretend not to want to reap the benefits of others' cohousing efforts.
Disowning that side, I am suddenly acutely aware of the resentment I feel
when someone else lazes around for a change. "Gosh, they're a lazy bunch".

 Disappointed with the results of my pushy, teaching side, I now turn
efforts towards myself. I do the job, with a sense of resentment and hope
that reciprocation somehow is triggered. "I stop myself from saying
something", "I push myself to get xyz done".  Ever been on the receiving
side of such an implied message? (eg. bumper sticker asserting fellow road
users to share random acts of friendliness)

 :-)
 Hans

 For an insightful measure on individual variations of "shoulds", there is a
neat questionnaire mapping out typical individual differences is on:
http://www.keirsey.com/cgi-bin/newkts.cgi .
 Then, detailed descriptions of individual preferences are posted on
 http://www.typelogic.com/ . The hypothesis here is that personalities are
patterns of goal setting.