Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Subject: [C-L]_Value of Work

[Grace Benjamin (grey_sea]

Hello everyone.  Grace Benjamin here from Ann Arbor, MI.  Member of the
forming Treetown CoHousing.

Hmm.

This whole cooking discussion has been interesting to me, and now I'd like
to respond.  I probably missed the letter from the person who likes to cook
for fifty regularly- I caught the one about the writer that loves cleaning
toilets (!)- but since I haven't read about someone who likes to cook for
crowds all the time; I'm hoping my commentary will be relevant.

I think I have good self esteem, but I'm honest enough to admit that I'm not
exceedingly talented- sure, I do lots of useless stuff well; I'm great at
sticking my foot in my mouth for instance- but as far as most really
valuable things- like soothing a crying baby, or driving safely- I just suck
eggs.  Except for one thing- I'm a terrific cook.  No really, I'm very good-
better than most.  Ask my friends.  I am particularly gifted at meals for
ten or more.

My loved ones reward me with compliments for this talent often.  Without
doubt, I will be showered with extant praise and adulation, every Christmas,
Chanukah, Easter, Passover, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Annual Picnic, Labor
Day, and Thanksgiving- with an occasional birthday, and celebration in
between.  It's a given.  In case it isn't already obvious- I am very ego
invested in my cooking.  Similarly, there is a woman in our group here.  She
is the finest baker I have ever, ever encountered.  Hands down.  For those
of you that didn't already know- cooking IS NOT baking, and baking IS NOT
cooking.  They are separate and individual talents, they just occur in the
same room of the house frequently.  She too, is ego invested in her talent,
and enjoys every compliment, every ooh, ahh, and moan of delight in what she
has prepared.  It is satisfying for her soul, as it is mine.

I have oft been asked why I don't go to culinary school, why don't I cook
for a living?  People are frequently perplexed with my answer- I couldn't do
this for money.  It is too personal, and too tied to my sense of self to
receive payment for it.  From my perspective- it would just seem dirty to
get paid for feeding people.  I suspect this is why my friend Christie
doesn't bake for a living.  So what does this have to do with co-housing?

Co-housing is intentional community.  Intentional community is a very
personal and intimate way to live your life.  Now I'm this great cook, but I
would never cook impersonally.  I would gladly prepare a lavish feast
nightly for twenty or thirty of my friends- I would gladly own the
responsibility, never caring to rotate out of the role.  On the other hand,
I don't know how much you would have to pay me to cook for a restaurant, I
don't think there's enough cash in circulation.

More pointedly though- the many things I don't do well-  I make my best
effort at for folks I care about personally.  I'm the worst housekeeper I
know- I really don't care how it looks, I hope the house doesn't smell bad,
but clutter has never bothered me.  But if my father is coming to visit, I
clean vigorously.  Not to impress him per se, or because I've suddenly come
to regard the clutter as bad- but I want him to know that he's worth the
effort to me.  I cook for my friends and family, and do my most meticulous
best because I want them to know that they are worth my very best.  I
wouldn't make this effort for folks I didn't care for.

To one extent or another, we should feel this way towards our neighbors in
community for things to really work well.

> Segal would say "Because we are still seeing it as work with no grace."
> Gardening has a graceful element to it (though we  know it is back
breaking
> also). Columns of figures all sorted out are graceful. It pleases many of
us
> to do sums and equations.
>
> We don't approach cooking the same way we do other activities. That I
think
> is the point I'm wondering about.

And for the record, with absolutely no pun intended- I for one, see cooking
as work with extraordinary grace.  So I too, am baffled why it wouldn't be
seen this way in general.....


peace!
Grace
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