Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Breeching interpersonal Boundaries

[Racheli&John (jnpalme]

** Reply to note from "Rob Sandelin" <floriferous [at] msn.com> Fri, 11 May 
2001 11:26:17 -0700
>From Racheli

Rob wrote (in part):
>  ... I see
> cohousing groups most often have the most dysfunctional problems around
> personal boundaries, mainly in the form of not acknowleging and talking
> about them as group work. There is this common thread in cohousing, which
> goes like this: I do not  want to do group work on relationships.

I see instances of this in my community.  For example, we've had a serious
level of conflict around work participation issues.  Every effort to bring
it up (usually by those who resent what they see as meager participation
on the part of some) has been countered by anger and defensiveness from
the other side.  Recently, in a special meeting to discuss these
problems (to which only 10 people out of a community of 36 households
showed up) we desided to have a workshop around values and attitudes
relating to community work.  A few people decided not to attend.  One of
them told me that in cohousing we don't have any business discussing
people's values, or defining common ground around this or other
issues.  
It's my sense that this harks back to a fear that if we discuss "values",
it somehow entails an effort to *impose* values, or that perhaps
this might lead to writing some kind of a manifesto next...  

R.



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