Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Teen room advice request

[Elizabeth Stevenson (tamgoddess]

>>To whom it may concern:
>>I am a teenager from sonora cohouosing in Tucson. We are currently setting
>>aside a room in the common house for the use of teens and other
>>activities. I was wondering if you have had a similar experiance and, if
>>so, if you could offer any advice as to how to set it up and how you
>>managed the hours. Please let me know when you have the chance.

Our Teen Room has had a couple of incarnations. Originally, we designated it
as the teen room, and the teens had full control over it. They painted some
very good mural art on the walls, and it was a general success at first. The
room was well used. Then the walls were defaced by some "guests" of the
teens, who were kids from the neighborhood. Turns out peer pressure and a
little fear ruined the pictures on the walls. Also, at least one teen used
the room as a trysting place, which was pretty much the death knell for its
exclusive use by the teens.

We then, somewhat reluctantly, took over the room and it was in limbo for
awhile. We used it occasionally, but there was unrest amongst the teens who
were not involved in the "troubles", and we eventually made it a multi-use
room. The teens (now defined as over 10, since the older teens aren't
interested in hanging out there), are able to use it, and sign in and out. I
think that they don't mind signing in because they feel responsible for the
room. Certainly they haven't trashed it. I'm sure that they also feel an
ownership and responsibility towards the room and the community that their
forebears didn't. The current teens grew up in the community, and are a more
integrated part of it. They also don't object nearly as strongly as their
older peers did to the adults using the room, as we now do occasionally.

The only way I see a teen room being successful in a new community is the
willing participation of the teens. If they don't want to be a part of the
community, they should not have a room devoted to their use. But once they
have interest, they should have their own space to use without much
interference. Several of our members have been especially committed to
facilitating the teen room, and it has been worth having, in my opinion.

There are others who have not liked having the teen room, mostly those who
are worried about activities they don't want their teens involved in. Others
disagree, saying that teens will find a way to "misbehave" anywhere, and
it's better to have them close by. I don't see this as ever being resolved
in a permanent way. In the past 8 years, each age cohort has had its own
different characteristics. We therefore need to continually reassess the
room and how it is being used. It seems to have been a worthwhile effort. I
would encourage teens and adults from every community to carve out a space
that teens can hangout in, much as the adults have their own spaces. In the
long run, respecting their needs has resulted in better communication and
trust.

As for setting up hours of use, I think you will find that if you get
together and have a meeting with everyone concerned, there will emerge
patterns of when particular groups want to use the room that are fairly
compatible. For instance, early morning yoga doesn't conflict with Friday
night movies. That's the easy part. Getting someone to clean up is the hard
part.
--
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento, California

tamgoddess [at] home.com
http://members.home.net/southsideparkcohousing
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