Cohousing-L Mailing List: Conference Notes Part 3

[pattymara (pattymara]

Sustainable Community Meetings that Really Work
Shari Leach and Anne Russell, Wonderland Hill Dev. Co and Way North
Boulder Cohousing 
        introducing the three stages of a group:  Dreaming, Disillusionment,
Deepening.  They briefly described each stage. 
        Groups go through the honeymoon stage of Dreaming, then typically,
reality hits, burnout and fatigue because everyone is working so hard. 
At this point the group either disband or drift apart.  Another option is
to view this time as an opportunity to transform their disillusionment
into Deepening.  This new stage is marked by creating new boundaries,
taking care of oneself, and the group by learning new thresholds of
trust, participating in group celebrations and rituals of healing.  After
a time of Deepening, the group then will typically experience a new
Dreaming stage...and the cycle continues spiralling through the three
stages, learning new lessions each time.  
        Then we were asked to choose the stage which most closely described our
individual communities.  We divided into small groups, one for each
stage.  We told our stories and came up with helpful tips.   When we
regathered into one large group we reported what had bubbled up in the
small groups, as Shari recorded everything on the board.  
        Dreaming Stage:  symptoms-  euphoria, the honeymoon time, creatively
rich, naive, tendency to be in denial.
Helpful tips:   This is the time to share visions, clarify dreams, build
your foundations.  Ask for everything you want; think BIG.  Have fun,
plan for the future when things aren?t so rosy.  Get training and set up
structures for your process work now while you are feeling good about one
another.  Establish good business meeting structure and committee
proceedures.  Practice conflict resolution now when there?s no real
conflict, just to get used to the form.  Take small steps, pace
yourselves.  Keep a DECISION LOG of all your group?s consensed decisions.
 You will need it later.     
        Disillusionment Stage:  symptoms-  disappointment, fatigue, too many
meetings, cynicism, blaming, action items not being completed,
martyrhood, bickering
Helpful tips:  build relationships by having more fun.  Pull back, get
silly, be patient.  Remember this is just one stage in the cycle.  Reveal
your real selves, shadow and light.  Honor differences.  Accept different
views.  Pace yourselves.  Get help.  
        Deepening Stage:  symptoms-  willingness to engage in surrender and
compromise. Holding one another gently.  Acknowledging the Shadow Work in
community relationships.
Helpful tips:  maintain community wellness by engaging in ceremonies and
rituals of healing.  Mark the path by celebrations.  Be intentional about
the time you spend together.  Reclaim your original visions of community
by tempering them with the wisdom you have gained by going through the
three stages together.  Party.
        Excuses for having a party:
To let go of the old ways and welcome the new.
To let go of former members.
To integrate new members.
To give thanks for something, or someone.
To celebrate life passages
To reconnect with the natural world
To consciously Heal (example:  Burning Bowl Ritual)
To celebrate old and new holidays
To mark your community anniversary.
        Other ways to deepen relationships:  go camping together, go on
retreats, play games, share music, create simple rituals that repeat
regularly like monthly or yearly.  Share moments of silence together.
        The entire session was so incredibly captivating for me.  As you can see
I took volumes of notes and was deeply touched by the concept of the
spiral dance of the three stages.    It was only later while I was
walking back to Conference Central that I realized the content of the
session wasn?t anything at all about ?Sustainable Business Meetings?. 
Then I got the big AHA.  Shari and Anne ran the session AS IF it were a
good meeting.  They didn?t talk about how to do it, they just DID IT with
an engaging topic, using all the tools like:  breaking up into small
groups, then reporting back;  recording highlights on the board; taking
turns leading the group so that a good rhythm was established, paying
attention to everyone who wanted to speak, injecting humor and stories. 
I never knew if they discussed this at the beginning of the session since
I was 5 minutes late.  But they very effectively modeled the process.  
This was probably my favorite session of the entire conference.  
________________________________________________________________
GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO!
Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less!
Join Juno today!  For your FREE software, visit:
http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj.
_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l