Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: sticks & stones - name calling

[Margaret Weatherly (martiew]

I like the idea that we are all sitting in a big consensus circle, talking to 
our neighbors. I heartily agree.  Our communities are all in different places, 
yet we can still support each other in this different way of thinking. 

Martie Weatherly
Liberty Village Cohousing
Libertytown, MD
martiew [at] earthlink.net


> From: "Laura Fitch, A.I.A." <lfitch [at] krausfitch.com>
>
> 
> What is with all this name calling (see below and following responses 
> under the kids in meeting discussion)?  I have never seen it on this 
> list before and I find it very distressing.  Our community asks folks in 
> high emotional state to try rephrasing statements like the ones below in 
> "I statements">  For example I feel annoyed (angry, hurt, sad) when I 
> read your words because it makes me feel that you are judging me as a 
> parent, and I would like you to try...
> 
> If  this man's discussion line is "a waste of (our) time" I would 
> suggest just deleting it rather than responding.  It must have taken 
> some time to say what I feel are very hurtful words in response.  Is he 
> wasting (our) time, or are (we) choosing to waste (our) own?
> 
> I think it is too easy to respond with haste in e-mail form;  I have 
> made this mistake more often than I care to admit.  I suggest that we 
> try to think we are in a big consensus circle and that we are talking to 
> our neighbors rather than to a stranger across the email lines.
> 
> -- 
> Laura Fitch, A.I.A.
> Principal Architect
> 
> KRAUS-FITCH ARCHITECTS, INC.
> 110 Pulpit Hill Rd.
> Amherst, MA  01002
> 413-549-5799
> 413-549-7918 (fax)
> 
> lfitch [at] krausfitch.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> >  I'm not inclined to listen to someone who just wrote a
> >completely irrelevant paragraph about how perfect his child is. And I have
> >more news for you, it's not because you are a perfect parent. 
> >
> 
> >What does your child being a
> >gourmand have to do with the price of tea in China, anyway? Supremely
> >popular? Gag me with a phrase, George. Spare me your snobby verbosity.
> >
> >
> >you are coming to the list for validation of your victimhood,
> >and this time I am not so inclined to be gentle. What is it that you are
> >looking for? Do you want us to say, "Gosh George, your community is so
> >awful, you are perfectly right in anything you decide to do about it"? This
> >is a matter for your conflict resolution committee, or some such internal
> >group. We haven't the tools to mediate disputes on this list, or to figure
> >out why you want to keep posting manipulative treatises on how bad Songaia
> >is. It is hurtful to them and boring to me.
> >
> >Stop wasting our time.
> >
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
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-- 


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