Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: rules and regulations

[Robyn Williams (pov]

> How do other communities manage to maintain rules and regulations. How far
> would you go to sanction individual members who dont follow them. What are
> the implications of too much tolerance, or on the contrary too much
> severity.

Ask why you need rules in the first place.

Are they an attempt to control behaviour, or are they agreements that
empower all members?
While we need to understand the codes and boundaries, tacit or overt, which
affect how we live together, I believe it's important to know where they're
coming from.  Do they arrive from a sense of, "how do we stop people from
...".  Or, " how can we help each other to ..."   Policy needs to relate to
an explicit reason/rationale: why do we need this policy and does it make
sense?

Policies need to be visible.  Don't assume that people remember the 'rules'.
Make sure everyone agrees with them, and if not, how do they suggest they
are modified, and why.

Example:  A kids' rule at our place is: only one person on the tramp at a
time, for safety's sake.  Some months ago, one member argued that it didn't
make sense to her, that two kids have fun together, and she was half-hearted
about reminding the kids.  (A spin-off is that the kids complain that the
rules are confusing.)  I replied that although I kept the agreement, I
didn't know the facts and given that she felt strongly, it would be useful
if she contacted the local children's hospital for some clarifying
information.

As it happens, she didn't pursue the research, and recently raised her
complaint again, saying that she still couldn't see the sense of it.  No
amount of forcing the rule is going to help her comply.  Until the rationale
is real to her, she won't ever fully comply.  Her resentment will continue
to disempower her involvement.  Bringing her along is more important than
enforcing the rule.

Robyn Williams
Pinakarri Community
Fremantle, Western Australia

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