Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: personalities can change

[Lynn Nadeau (welcome]

There is talk about how to tell what kind of people are in a group, and 
how to get the "right" kind of people, etc. But the initial mix isn't the 
whole picture, either. 

People change. In both directions. A member may arrive fresh from 
corporate America, clutching his copy of Robert's Rules of Order, and 
making his peacenik neighbors shudder with talk of "more bang for the 
buck" and "winning" and "beating". And that same member, years later, may 
be passionate about consensus and cooperation. If a person is open to 
evolving their social skills, cohousing can be a great school. 

On the other hand, a member who has participated enthusiastically for 
years may suddenly slip from "devil's advocate" in debates, to suddenly 
seeing the group as their enemy. There may be hints, but it can take you 
by surprise. I suppose as we collectively age, we will also have to deal 
with some members who become more or less demented. 

The essence is in a sort of critical mass of people who can carry the 
community spirit forward. When you have a few troublesome characters, 
sometimes you can successfully retrain them or mediate with them. 
Sometimes they leave. And sometimes dealing with a challenge unifies the 
community in unexpected ways. 

Not everyone has to be wonderful for it to work! 
I'm amazed at how many wonderful people we do have, though. 
(My new neighbor has only lived here a week, and brought me soup and 
cornbread this afternoon.)

Lynn at RoseWind


Lynn Nadeau, RoseWind Cohousing
Port Townsend Washington (Victorian seaport, music, art, nature)
http://www.rosewind.org
http://www.ptguide.com

_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l