Cohousing-L Mailing List: Kibbutz and Individual Actions

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

I had forgotten how rigid the separation between parents and children was.
More evidence of the strange parental bonds that not only the kibbutz but
the whole of Freudian thought were reacting to. As if all parents were the
domineering type produced by limiting the sphere of the woman to the home
and children AND judging the worth of the woman by the performance of her
children in a society where they were not allowed to perform!

Note again how the mothers were blamed for this -- not the father or the
parents together. The fathers also learned to be hopeless and helpless at
home -- a characteristic that is also very common but not discussed.

I do wish we had a model for more independence on the part of adolescents --
teen hostels like boarding schools but closer to home. At 14-16 children
need much more autonomy and need to get it less by reacting to parents and
more by facing the responsibilities of their own lives.

Interestingly we see the downfall of the kibbutz related to the lack of
emphasis on the individual as the point action or energy.  This is an
attitude that cohousing can also fall prey to. The emphasis on teams and on
group action can be very debilitating.

Only individuals can act. Groups can decide but it is individuals that act
-- they hold the energy. If that energy is restricted or denied, the group
goes downhill. When group-think takes over, the individual is penalized for
any achievement that stands out from the crown. Under achievement is much
safer and much more easily disguised.

Another interesting point in this article is the evidence that the group
action worked very well as long as there was nothing to have or share -- the
working from nothing to build something. As soon as there was enough to go
around and even a bit of luxury, the kibbutz spirit declined.

This is very likely related to the lack of understanding of theory -- the
expectation that people understand through living the life. This hasn't
worked in a whole range of situations I can think of. People need to
understand intellectually why things are done thus and so. Then as needs
change the reasons can be analyzed and corrections made.

It isn't enough to "just do it." Experience can provide certain kinds of
learning but understanding is essential (said she who is working on a
textbook for beginning college students on learning).


Sharon
-- 
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org





on 8/11/2002 7:15 AM, Hans Tilstra at tilstra [at] smartchat.net.au wrote:

> Bruno Bettleheim  has studied "Kibbutzniks" (those who live on Kibbutzim)
> and the first generation are now in their 30s and 40s. He found that they
> tended to be less anxious, nervous and aggressive than other Israelis, and
> that the mothers in Kibbutzim were gentler with their children - there was
> no evidence of child battering. However, Kibbutzniks were less ambitious and
> striving than other Israelis.
> (http://www.esher.ac.uk/scextranet/sociology/introduction.htm )
> 
> Here's a link to a pdf file on the topic...
> http://www.history.ucla.edu/undergrad/pat/quaestio/PDF/sternbach.pdf
> 
> NB I'm not arguing that cohousing should position itself more in the kibbutz
> direction; however, it does suggest that a kibbutz achieves qualities that
> can be described as more androgynous in culture. From the cohousing reading
> I've studied so far, there is a similarity in the reporting of children's
> experiences and it's positive.
> 
> :-) Hans
> 
> 
> 
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