Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Fifty Plus Cohousing

[Fred H Olson (fholson]

Lia   Liajo2 [at] aol.com
is the author of the message below. 
It was posted by Fred the Cohousing-L list manager <fholson [at] cohousing.org> 
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   http://csf.colorado.edu/cohousing/2001/msg01672.html
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In a message dated 2/19/03 8:25:38 AM Pacific Standard Time, 
racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com writes:


> What strikes me as strange about what you're saying is
> how much  you consider age to be the (?) major factor in
> determining whether people are "different" or "alike".
> By calling it "strange" I don't mean to deman it, I'm just
> aiming to underline how different it is from my own 
> experience.  I've always found myself drawn to people
> with age being the least of issues... (I have friends who
> are 20 years younger than me, and others who are
> a lot older) - I guess it makes it hard for me to understand
> why age is such a decisive factor for anyone.  
> 

I've been a lurker a while and following this issue with interest because it 
echoes interesting developments in my own personal life.  I, too, have always 
had friends of various ages (children through the elderly) throughout my 
life, and have lived and worked in situations in involving extreme diversity. 
 

Something is happening to me as I move into a new phase of my life tho.  At 
56, I do, indeed, seek more commonality than seemed important in my earlier 
years.  Another writer spoke of moving into a more contemplative phase of 
life, and I see that happening to me too.   The result is finding less 
excitement in those outer differences, and seeking to share insights with 
others who are embarking or immersed in this new but more interior adventure 
-- part of which involves making sense of where we've been.  

I'm sure that I have things to share with young parents, having lived through 
the struggles they are facing, but I'm not sure that they have much to say 
about this new direction of my psyche and spirit.  Pursuing it is only 
possible because I am freed, now, of all those external responsibilities that 
come with parenthood and less concerned with work achievement. Like most 
people, my own middle years were spent adjusting myself to external demands 
and the urgent needs of others, and it felt good at the time -- good enough 
that I feared losing the structure I knew.  Happily, I appear to be changing 
inside in line with the ways my life is changing.  Despite the unfamiliarity 
of this new freer way of living, I'm finding it exciting to embrace it's 
potential and find out what it holds.  

Now, does that make me hostile to any group or putting undo emphasis on age?  
I don't think so.  It means that I am seeking to find camaraderie with others 
at a similar phase in their life.  Obviously, the golf and martini crowd of 
older people would not meet that criterion even if they were close to me in 
years, and neither would those who have grown solidified or narrow in their 
thinking.  But if I can think of nothing more pleasing than having fellow 
travellers exploring the dimensions of the latter half of life close at hand. 
 

Frankly, I'm amazed that anyone would find this strange.   No one is puzzled 
that college students hang out with their peers, or that young parents 
socialize with others who have young children.   Were I to find a 'senior' 
co-housing community, I certainly would continue to have connections with my 
son, his partner and his friends, and -- later-- his children.   There are  
other friends of my own who come from different walks of life that have 
become part of my web of connection and would continue be so.   My own idea 
would not be to seal myself apart, but to create a refuge where community and 
contemplation could both flourish.  

Perhaps real diversity is served by appreciating diverse and changing needs, 
instead of interpreting them through ideology.

Lia 


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