Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: 3 top conflict sources

[Berrins (Berrins]

<< On 5/21/2003 9:29 PM, "Rob Sandelin" <floriferous [at] msn.com> wrote:

> 

> In my experience, the three most common sources of conflict are:

> 

> 1. Communication glitches

> 2. Kids (parenting of)

> 3. Pets >>

<< In a message dated 5/21/03 9:46:33 PM, sharon [at] sharonvillines.com writes:

> I agree with Rob's list but I would also add another -- conflicting desires

> about making decisions. The range goes from those who just want to do this

> one little thing and those who see the major underlying values and

> consequences of just that one little thing.

Okay, here's a fifth: personal vs. community needs.  Some examples (some 
real, some made-up):
    A) a home owner can see the soccer net their next door neighbor put up in 
the yard behind the neighbor's house, doesn't like it and demands they take 
it down.  "Yards are community space and you didn't get approval to put it 
there.  It's ruining my view."
    B) The garden committee decides to put up a playset near the garden but a 
nearby home owner is afraid toys will get left all over his yard, just like 
toys get left everywhere else (which brings up, yet again, the long-standing 
issue the home owner has with clutter in general and Rob's #2 above). 
    C) Someone plants a bush in their yard one spring, but directly on the 
path people take to go cross-country skiing in the winter.  Nobody thinks about 
it until the first snow fall.  Does the bush have to be taken down or do the 
skiers have to find another route?

    Individual needs or values are sometimes glossed over or marginalized in 
the effort to get to consensus.  On the other hand, individuals can get mighty 
stubborn in defense of their own self-interest.  Woof.  These conflicts can 
be toughies.  

Roger 
Pathways Cohousing
Northampton, MA, USA

Where fourth-spring planting fever is blooming all over.  

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