Cohousing-L Mailing List: Attitude and New Ideas [was sweat equity]

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On 7/06/2003 4:26 PM, "TR Ruddick" <truddick [at] earthlink.net> wrote:

>> From: "Rob Sandelin" <floriferous [at] msn.com>
>> 
>> One of things I would pass on, is that any one particular community is
>> unlikely to encompass all of what you seem to want and believe, and by
>> visiting several, you will find many parts, in many places which you can
>> draw ideas and inspirations from.
> 
> Now, am I being overly touchy here, or does it seem that there's a teensy
> bit of attitude here?

With all due respect to Rob who has been living and doing training in
cohousing for many years, he does have "attitude" on a lot of issues -- the
last one that freaked me was in the hand-washing or mechanical sterilization
of dishes in the commonhouse discussion that people with compromised immune
systems shouldn't be living in cohousing (exit anyone under treatment for
cancer, pregnant, or recovering from major surgery). His "attitude",
however, is based on lots and losts of experience.

But I also think we are entering a new generation of cohousing where more
things are possible. National publicity for cohousing has emerged in the
last 3-4 years and has made "cohousing" a much more recognized if not
understood word. Experienced developers are now willing to work with groups.
"Mainstream thinkers" are interested in moving in. This is amazing compared
to when Rob and many people on the list began cohousing. In those days ONLY
those people who could (1) deposit thousands of dollars, (2) do it without
knowing when construction would even begin, AND (3) had utopian ideas about
community could even begin to consider cohousing.

> But time and again I get a message
> from current residents of cohousing that goes "until you've really lived in
> one, you can't really know what it's like or what you want from it--and any
> variations on what has normally been done are questionable at best."

Before I moved into cohousing this attitude bothered me too -- like
believing that facilitating meetings in cohousing is different than in other
forums, etc. It is different but not as different as cohouslings like to
believe. But it is often heavier in the sense that you are dealing with
people 24/7 and not for 2 hours. When you develop a project, you take on the
financial burden for the whole community, not just your household. When you
plan a party, you have a whole lot of people to consider -- you can't just
not invite them, they live there.

> I don't doubt Rob's expertise, but 90% of attempts at starting cohousing
> are failures.  

I would expect this failure rate is going down greatly. And also according
to what you count as a "start". If you count the success rate of "writing a
novel" beginning with first idea about subject, the failure rate is probably
99.9%.

On the other hand, developing cohousing is a real estate development and
that path is littered with failures that have nothing to do with cohousing.
So you are piling one hard thing to do (form a community) on top of another
(develop real estate), both taking a lot of education and experience in
order to succeed.

> So when someone comes up with a different perspective or a new idea, why
> isn't it greeted with "gee, that's certainly an idea!  Here are my
> insights." or else a hard bit of evidence about why it isn't practical?
> Failing that, skeptical silence?

I've been reading this list for at least 4 years, probably 5, and haven't
seen any new ideas. But I agree that we could be more open to the
suggestions of new readers who are trying their best to move forward -- that
is what the list is for, after all!

Sharon
-- 
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org

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