Cohousing-L Mailing List: Silencing the uncomfortable truth-long

[Elizabeth Stevenson (tamgoddess]

Lest you think that I somehow dash these missives out without a care, think
again. I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this last night
as I didn't sleep. What am I doing on this list? Is it worth being a
lightening rod for those who don't dare speak up? I came to the realization
that it is worth it, because after all, it's just an email list. This is not
my community, and different standards apply. I'm not doing anything
earth-shatteringly daring by being less than subtle in my posts. You can
take it, or delete it if you want to. If I were in a face-to-face meeting,
it would be different. You wouldn't have the option to ignore me. Is it so
important to be civilized, to the point that nothing ever changes for the
better?

I said before that I am likely to go over the line sometimes, and I will
risk that in order to defend the poor against apologists for the rich.
Cohousing is supposed to be different. It's supposed to be BETTER than the
rest of the world out there that doesn't give a rats ass for each other. I
can't understand why some of you are even involved in it. I know, more
perceived insults. But I truly am mystified. It seems that you resent your
neighbors who don't have as much as you, and go to great lengths to justify
a system that is built to punish them, in or out of cohousing.

I don't believe that none of the lower-income people in these communities
feels uncomfortable. There is such a social stigma to being poor in this
country that people have become accustomed to hiding it and being quiet when
their needs aren't being met. Just go down the the office where people are
applying for food stamps or Medicare, or going into a free clinic. Sit and
watch the people herded like cattle into tiny overcrowded rooms, waiting
hours for services that the rest of us get in minutes. It's damned
demoralizing being poor, and people shouldn't have to get that kind of
treatment in cohousing.

Okay, sure, we're not talking about public pillorying or anything, but the
attitudes expressed here have been so condescending and self-righteous that
I can't imagine that attitude doesn't filter down to all the people who are
holding you back from getting everything your hearts desire.

Also consider that my last message inspired even more people to write to me
off-list, and at least one on-list. What does that say about how others feel
about expressing their opinions on this list? Am I really intimidating and
offending so much, or am I just saying what others are afraid to say to this
genteel but subtly repressive list? How many people haven't said anything
because they are too tired of fighting against our entire society to take on
cohousing as well?

This has happened lots of times. I got into with Howard over affordable
housing, too. Then I heard the same old stuff. I'm too emotional, vitriolic,
blah blah blah. Forget it, Howard. I won't belong to a list where all the
important stuff is only discussed off-list. What is the point? If I don't
say it, who will? If I don't try to put a stop to the gradual removal of
anything remotely progressive about income in cohousing, who will? I've shot
myself in the foot so many times that I squish when I walk. If it wakens
even one person from the sleepy complacency that is this list and cohousing
in general, then I've done what I set out to do.

Lots of people in the other intentional communities out there say that
cohousing is just for rich or upper-middle class people to be with each
other and not deal with the outside world, while soothing their consciences.
In many cases, they are right. It's too damned hard to create cohousing for
it to become just another place for rich people to feel safe. I intend to
continue being a complete bitch until that doesn't happen anymore.

However, you'll all be thrilled to know that I won't write about it anymore
if you must let someone else have the last word.
-- 
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento, California
tamgoddess [at] comcast.net

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