Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Frustration in Forming Community

[rdbeckia (rdbeckia]

> I admit that we have invited only friends and acquaintances to our
> preliminary meetings. We have discussed how to broaden our scope, but are
> leery of attracting folks that are not aligned with our vision.

I think the most effective thing is for you and your partner to create a
vision first. I've seen a lot of friends & acquaintances try to form an
intentional community out of friends & acquaintances, and I haven't seen
it work yet.

The reason is that the criteria for forming friendships is not the same as
the criteria for forming an intentional community. To build a community,
you need people who want to move into the same type of housing at the same
time, agree on the location, type of community, etc. It's more productive
to say "We're founding a vegan Methodist income-generating commune in
downtown Dime Box," and recruit people who share that vision, than it is
to get a group of friends together and figure out what you all have in
common, other than being friends who crave community. There are all kinds
of questions - income-generating or not? Urban, rural, or suburban?
Long-term, short-term (i.e. rental), co-op, commune, cohousing? Large or
small? Budget or deluxe? Get as many of these questions as you can sorted
out within a very small group of people. They are not things you can
convince others to change their minds about, out of mere desire for
community.

Then express your vision in a clear and appealing way.

If you do this, you can attract folks who are pre-aligned. It is fairly
easy to develop friendships with people who share your vision. Like
attracts like, and you will probably have more trouble achieving diversity
(even of "minor" differences such as age & personality type), than you
will have screening out people who "don't fit" somehow.

Naturally, you will want areas where people joining can put their stamp on
the community. You will need that, if you want to attract other leaders.
Building an intentional community is a lot of work, and you'll need more
than 2 people with leadership tendencies to keep things going. Find ways
to put new-comers in charge of something small that matches their
interests, right at first. Even if it's just bringing the snacks to the
next meeting. Then give them appreciation and gratitude for their
contribution. This will help you grow a sense of ownership and leadership
among everybody (and incidentally, screen out anybody who wants other
people to do all the work).

Work out a decision-making process early. I actually think it's a great
idea to take a weekend, hire a trainer (let me know if you'd like
recommendations) & do some consensus training for anybody who might be
interested in your community. My community (Central Austin Couhousing)
transformed from a club of people with a shared vision, who met on Sundays
to get frustrated, to a functioning community that got stuff done, during
and immediately after our first consensus training weekend.

Your group will need more than the general concept of "community" to
motivate you through the times when the negotiations on your third site
fall through and one of your core members takes a job transfer to Sweden.
Your vision can  do that, if it's strong, clear, appealing, and genuinely
speaks to each of your members' needs.

You will need a lot of persistence to make it through in any case.
Cohousing developments (except in some rare cases) take many years from
conception to fruition. If you feel you can't spend more than a couple of
years in the forming/site search stage, then I recommend you put your
energy into some other form of community. Don't start a cohousing group
until you are prepared to spend six or more years of solid, regular effort
& financial commitment on formation and development. Smaller,
non-cohousing communities can probably be more "instant" and something
like renting a house with a few other people might be a good place to
start.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Becky
Central Austin Cohousing
Where we'll still waiting to hear the fate of a new offer on our site