Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Values in community, was sexuality

[Amy Gahran (amy]

This has been a very interesting discussion and I appreciate everyone's
views.

For me, since my husband and I are polyamorous and since our partners are
integral to our lives to the extent that we consider them family, it would
be an important value to me to be fairly certain that, say, it wouldn't be a
problem for my husband to invite his partner to a community dinner, be seen
with his arm around her, give her a hug and a kiss, etc. I would want her to
feel as welcome by the community on those occasions as family members for
anyone else in the community.

So I guess, since there's an inevitable dissonance between stated and
unstated community values or norms, and since every community is different,
I would probably want to begin my search for a community in those
communities where poly people already live and are "out" to their neighbors.
Then I'd spend some time talking to the poly folks and others in the
community about their thoughts and feelings on the issue...  In addition to
checking out the community's facilities, finances, philosophy, etc., of
course!

I don't expect everyone in the world to be open-minded about polyamory, but
I think in a situation as interdependent as cohousing that would become a
more important consideration, at least for me.

Thanks,

- Amy Gahran