Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Why I live in cohousing

[Bonnie Fergusson (fergyb2]

     Yes, many of these described benefits can occur
in thriving neighborhoods or extended families, but in
fact they don't very often, certainly not without a
lot of effort.  
     I have a large close loving extended family but
we live all over the country, so much of the immediacy
of cohousing stuff just can't happen more often then
the 3 or 4 times a year (Christmas, Thanksgiving,
August at the Beach, and sometimes weddings, or
graduations, etc.) when we traditionally get together.
     As for thriving neighborhoods, the closest to the
cohousing experience I ever came in neighborhood
living was in a not very traditional neighborhood. 
When I was in nursing school I lived in the married
family housing the University subsidized.  Several of
us single parents with kids banded together to do
frequent potlucks, and kid related outings together,
and covered for each other with regard to afterschool
care of our respective kids during the frequent
changes of schedule implied by our changing rotations
of clinical assignments.  However this was only 4
households of incredibly busy and overburdened student
single parents and their kids; so there was not the
sense of ease that comes with that kind of back up in
a larger community.  None of the two parent families
ever were interested in any of it. They presumably
covered for each other and didn't "need" us. 
    In other neighborhoods you have the ex president
of the Hell's Angels to deal with (who lived four
houses down from us in one neighborhood where we lived
for 14 years) and the spanish only speakers on one
side of us and the almost no english japanese speakers
on the other side of us.  In 14 years we developed
speaking relationships with 3 or 4 neighbors and a
"water your plants while you are on vacation"
relationship with one.  Most folks did the drive home
into the garage and disappear thing that is common in
traditional neighborhoods.
    The INTENTION to be a community is key, and that's
one thing you get in CoHousing, and other intentional
communities, that makes for a very different
experience.
    The other key difference is the frequently
manufactured opportunities to get to know each other
really well; whether they be common meals, workdays,
celebrations of various kinds, taking in the mail, and
the endless meetings to craft the values statement or
changes to the current way of managing the kids,
garden, workshop, laundry, solar panel installation,
etc. -- to say nothing of the spontaneous potlucks and
outings to see the fireworks, take a hike or bike
ride, go camping, go to a movie or restaurant or the
opera or comedy show or kids music recital or drama
presentation that happen among smaller groups of
Cohousing neighbors.
    For my husband and I the opportunity to have much
of our social life revolve around/with people who are
within walking distance is a wonderful draw after many
years of car based living.  And there is always
someone to play with at any time of day or night.  And
folks to rely on in an emergency.  The parents of the
newest member of our community (an 18 month old born
here) can put the baby down for the night and hand the
baby monitor to some willing neighbor who is at home
and escape for a little R & R.  Since we all live so
close (common walls) the monitor will pick up from any
house in the community and the Common House which is a
godsend. And if the baby wakes up the face that
responds will be a very familiar one.  A different
neighbor woke up in the middle of the night in
terrible pain a couple of years ago, couldn't even get
out of bed, and the phone was out of reach.  She just
banged on her wall until her next door cohousing
neighbor came to see what was wrong and subsequently
drove her to the emergency room. A good argument for
common walls and denser housing design.  We recently
had a CORE training (Citizens of Oakland Respond to
Emergencies) in our common house.  CORE training is
all about training neighborhoods to develop an
organized plan to help each other effectively in case
of major disaster (such as the big earthquake we are
all expecting here some day, affectionately referred
to as "The Big One") during the first 3 days before
effective outside help arrives. Or possibly much
longer looking at the Katrina disaster.  I felt very
smug about how many of the necessary systems we
already have in place in our Community.  
     So yes, very vibrant organized neighborhoods, or
extended families that still all live next door to
each other might provide the same experiences, but
given the tendency of american families to scatter
about the country if not the world, that would apply
to very few.  And if the neighborhood is vibrant and
organized, pretty soon they'll take down their fences,
pool resources, and become an infill Cohousing
community, right?        ;-)
                  Bonnie Fergusson
                Swans Market Cohousing
                    Oakland, CA