Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Why I live in cohousing

[Patty Hodgins (phodg]

I have been interestedly lurking on this list for years, and at last  
I'm compelled to jump in. Thanks, PattyMara, for raising the question  
of whether cohousing is really different from a good neighborly  
neighborhood. In my experience, it is.

Last November, my husband Aaron, the elder of the community at age  
90, came home with hospice after it became clear that dialysis was no  
longer helping. (Of course, a community member had helped with  
transportation to dialysis for the better part of a year). The night  
before he died, neighbors came -- some with their children -- to say  
their goodbyes. I was astonished by the comfort their visits brought  
me. So right after Aaron's death, a couple of neighbors spread the  
word that the community was invited to return. Again, many people  
came, some with their children.  Adam, 8, and Kenna, 6, crept up  
close and stroked Aaron's body and asked about old age and death.  
I'll never forget the fascination and wonder on their faces. Everyone  
stuck around in the room for quite some time, telling Aaron stories  
and just being present. It's impossible to express what this meant to  
me. But I can't imagine even the most close-knit non-cohousing  
neighborhood participating so intimately in a major life passage like  
this.

I think it's fair to describe myself as a burned-out burning soul.  
I've lived here now for seven years. I don't ever want to be on  
another committee, I am done with debates on how to get more members  
to participate, all my idealistic visions have crumbled... and still,  
I would never want to live anywhere but cohousing. I find that my  
life and my neighbors' lives are intertwined in uncountable ways,  
some so subtle I'm sure I couldn't recognize them unless I moved back  
into the conventional community. There's a richness to witnessing the  
trajectories of my neighbors' lives so closely. I rejoice and mourn  
with them, even, if somewhat grudgingly, with the ones I don't like  
all that well.  It's not all about me, it's about us -- even when we  
are pissed off at one another and bad vibes are in the air, it's  
still us.

Patty Hodgins
Hearthstone, Denver

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