Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Thank you from a new community!

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On Jun 23, 2008, at 2:13 PM, Gerald Manata wrote:

> How much does geography,for example, the local surrounding politics  
> and culture matter?

I think geography makes a big difference. When I look at the maps for  
lot development, the first thing I see is how far it is from one end  
to the other and how far some units are from the common house. We are  
much closer together -- across a city block but not a large one.  I  
notice a marked difference in my relationships with the people in  
townhouses on the green in the front half of the community. We are in  
the 3-4 story flats and duplexes on the back. Unless I've been on a  
team with them, or they have been here since the beginning, I have few  
relationships with those "in the suburbs." With the exception one  
whose children I'm adopted as grandchildren, they never drop-in.

People, and kids, just drop in much more in the stacked units. And the  
people who sit in the piazza are more likely to be the people in the  
stacked units which surround the piazza. We also surround the  
commonhouse and are more likely to be in it.

If I were designing a new community, I would build all the units up,  
not out. And around a central piazza, possibly covered. With excellent  
sound barriers in the walls and floors. Our larger stacked units are  
duplexes with three bedrooms and two baths upstairs and a half bath  
downstair -- some people left out the bath upstairs or put a full bath  
downstairs.

Since the stacked units are behind security system with a keypad  
entrance, we can also leave our doors open which makes "knock and come  
in" more possible and drop-ins more casual. And allows kids to run  
from one apartment to another or to the take-it or leave it table or  
to each other's home.  I've had people come in and see that I was  
taking a nap and leave locking the door behind them.

Some of our units have stairs up to the second floor and the residents  
say no one drops in. They also have a second flight of stairs inside  
so it is hard for them to hear knocking. The townhouses have the same  
issue. If they are upstairs they can't hear. If the doorbells are loud  
enough to reach upstairs they bother the neighbors.

> Is it just "blind luck" as to what kind of people just happen to  
> join together that is the principle determiner as to the  
> "conservative" or "liberal" nature of the community?

i don't think there are any conservatives in cohousing. We do have  
some conflicts between those who want the place to look  like new or  
better and those who are happy with do it yourself less than  
professional paint jobs and floors that are past needing refinishing  
like others think. Some are more politically active and further left  
and they did have to back off. They were pretty much in everyone's  
face in the beginning, expecting the community to be just like them.  
Some have political signs (as in NUMEROUS) in their windows and doors  
which others don't like but we have gotten used to it. No one  
disagrees with the sentiments expressed, just the look of it.

I don't think it is luck. I tell people who ask that it is like  
family. Some people you love, some you can't bear and avoid, and some  
you only see on holidays. In times of stress, however, pretty much  
everyone pulls together. But there are also times when i've wanted to  
say, I'll cook the dinner if you will take it over --- I can't bear  
another of those meandering conversations.

And in our community, many more people than usual, i think moved in  
just wanting an apartment and were relatively cheap with prices that  
were set two years before move in and an excellent location. And  
parking included with no fees. Rare in complexes in DC, although the  
new codes do require some but they often charge extra for them so the  
rents can go up and up.

> Does a complex where most people are from outside the area, as  
> opposed to one where most people are from  the target area and  
> perhaps already know each together for years create a measurable  
> difference in the operation of a community?

I would say that of of 43 units, 3 came from completely out of state.  
Some groups of 2 had known each other before, three of friends sets  
having lived together in group houses  or attending the same church or  
synagog. And some people knew people who told them about it but it may  
have been as casual a contact as someone dropped into their office off  
the street. The backgrounds are very diverse. And perhaps a greater  
number than usual have moved out. 8 of 43 have changed hands, two twice.

It think it is the intention that makes the difference. We have almost  
no process work or conflict resolution, although I think we need it.  
And some people interact very little or primarily with one other  
household in the community. Some people are relatively inactive with  
the spouse being very involved.

> Have the older cohousing complexes actually seen an evolution in  
> attitudes, lifestyle, methods/rules of interpersonal engagement-the  
> community's subculture-in its members over the years? This would  
> make an interesting research project.

Yes, people are generally less in other peoples faces about their own  
interests. Not out of respect particularly but because it didn't work  
to convert ohters and everyone got warn down. We all moved in with  
expectations about what it would be like and those have probably all  
altered with reality.

I moved in wanting a large community because I have sharp edges and  
need space, and others need distance from me. But now I wish for a  
much smaller community where it doesn't drift into a hierarchy to keep  
things on track and we can develop a true consensus on issues. With 65  
adults we are too big and too diverse to do consensus the way we used  
to. And it was never easy -- 5-8 meetings to reach consensus on some  
policies.

I guess  people are just persistent.

Sharon
----
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing,Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org