Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Internal Listserve

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On Nov 14, 2008, at 3:42 AM, Rob Sandelin wrote:

>  it would take hours of work to try to figure out WHO left the
> shovels out in the rain, easier and probably better just to sent a  
> general
> message about putting tools away, better because we all then get  
> reminded

And as often happens, the person who did move the piano yesterday  
posted to apologize and explained how it happened. This is very nice  
because (1) it allows all of us to know why something happened and  
that the person cares. We don't have an irresponsible slouch amongst  
us. At least he isn't one of them. (2) It calls further attention to  
the problem of covering HVAC vents.

> One of the most useful things we have done is use some standardized  
> headings
> in the subject line. [snip] Shirley's List,  RANT. HELP is one which  
> is obvious.

I like these subject alerts. They are meaningful and one's that  
address the emotions of the poster, not just the subject. Shirley's  
List is (I assume) a reference to a community event or person, so it  
has a community specific association. It's part of a story. RANT and  
HELP go directly to the point. I often use IMPT or PLEASE READ for  
alerts about the commonhouse (I declutter it several times a week and  
am on the Facilities Team).

Some members want us to use headings like BIZ which I still haven't  
gotten a clear definition of. My question is when you live in  
community, what is not biz? Meals? Childcare? Help?

Rob's categories have meaning.

One thing Rob didn't mention is a point he raised several years ago  
when we were discussing whether email was a good means of  
communication at all. Some people communicate things on email that  
they would never communicate in person. Some people use this as  
evidence that email is bad, because people say things that might be  
hurtful and that they wouldn't say in person.

I would use this as evidence that everyone communicates more or less  
easily in different contexts and everyone should be allowed their own  
best means of communicating, or they won't. Some people will not speak  
up in large meetings. Others won't speak face to face with one person  
but will ask another person to speak for them. Some only raise issues  
in team meetings.

It's important to me to know how people are feeling, whether it hurts  
or not. And I try to put the words into the speaker's context, not my  
own. And I've been the target of long public rants listing all my  
shortcomings (from that person's view, I hasten to add). As hurtful as  
it was, it was still important for me to know that person felt that  
way and it would never have been communicated to me directly. In fact,  
face to face, one of those people acted like my best friend in my  
presence. But the feelings had been communicated to other people in  
the community and had been underlying a lot of weird decisions. Once  
out, a lot of pieces fell into place.

Sharon
----
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing,Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org