Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: process junkies...or not

[Mark Harfenist (markharf]

Others have made the point more comprehensively than I´m able...but I´ll repeat 
anyway.  The frame ¨there are process people and people who do not like process 
(or therapy, or interpersonal communication, or whatever)¨ is sometimes useful, 
but hardly complete. Confronting and dealing productively with conflict within 
communities need not be ¨woo woo,¨ and it need not resemble group therapy.  
 
What´s more, it sure seems to me that we deal with conflict one way or the 
other--either by confronting directly, or by suffering through various indirect 
expressions of those same conflicts.  If the decision to evade direct 
expression is made knowingly--as each of us often does--that´s fine.  But this 
decision should be made with the understanding that there are both costs and 
benefits.  It should not be done in the belief, stated or not, that ïf we just 
ignore it, it´ll go away.¨ 
 
Nor should conflict be projected onto specific group members in the belief, 
generally false, that if these specific individuals just get a clue and shape 
up life will be fine.  Sometimes problems really are located within 
individuals....but not as often as it´s sometimes tempting to believe.
 
Hope this is coherent and helpful.
 
Mark
(Bellingham Cohousing)