Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Any family-based 55+ cohousing in existence?

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On 12 Dec 2010, at 11:56 PM, balaji [at] ouraynet.com wrote:

> movement.  Why?  Because it takes seniors out of the loop, and constrains
> the development of true (i.e., multigenerational) communities.

Well, just the opening I needed to engage this subject. I also believe this is 
not a good trend for cohousing because it is the seniors who do a vital if not 
largest share of work in the community. Our community would collapse without 
them.

Our most dependable people are over 60. They have more flexible time and have a 
greater understanding of "larger than my household" responsibilities. They are 
less overwhelmed by their own lives and have out-grown the expectation that 
someone else will do it. Many young people are parented to believe that others 
(parents, teachers, counselors, etc.) are out there and will take care of 
things. 

Of our residents who are over 60 there is not one who is a slacker. Not all are 
hale and hearty but they are all dependable to the best of their ability. None 
use their infirmities as an excuse for not stepping in when something needs to 
be done, and those under 50 do when they have a cold. Most don't need to be 
asked to pitch in. Even those who are 85+ have ongoing leadership and task 
responsibilities. If it is within their physical ability, they are responsible. 
This far from true of the under 50 crowd.

If people under 50 don't want to stop the drift to senior cohousing, they need 
to look at the reasons older people want their own spaces. I haven't made a 
study of this but on my list and on the lists of those I've talked with are:

1. An expectation of adult behavior in some areas of the commonhouse _and_ the 
grounds all the time and at some time in most areas of the CH. This requires a 
concept of the CH has something other than a rumpus room for children or an 
unsupervised student dining hall.

2. Some meals where children are not present so adults can speak not just to be 
heard but to have uninterrupted conversations and make jokes that someone else 
may not want their children to hear. And continue them past school day bedtimes.

3. An understanding that on a regular basis there will be events for which 
parents have to make their own arrangements for their own children. The people 
over 50 have either raised their children or chosen not to raise them and most 
probably did not join the community for the sole purpose of assuming 
responsibility for more. Emergency back up and support for childcare at 
meetings and workdays is the expected limit on childcare. Some will do much 
more but should not be expected to nor repeatedly asked.

4. Understand the difference between child-friendly and child-centered. 
Child-centered is not multigenerational.

5. Parents must remind themselves that their children are not holy causes. No 
crusades.

Cohousing is wonderful but multi-generational takes focus on the needs of all 
the generations, not just the children and their parents. 

It would be interesting to have some discussions of how this mult-focus could 
be assured. How would you structure the budget and the prioritization of 
activities to ensure that it was being done?

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org