Cohousing-L Mailing List: Pets, Cats, Common Agreements [ Was Maintaining the conversation]

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On 27 Jun 2011, at 8:42 AM, Ruth Hirsch wrote:

> These have been two big and important topics: CH use, and pets/dogs.  Please 
> do write how your communities are doing on these, or even on the current one: 
> dogs-- actually, we have neighbors with concerns about cats doing in song 
> birds, so if you have any cat policy, pleas do tell.  

Keeping the conversation focused on the aims of cohousing, actual practices, 
and actual research I think will ground the conversation in helpful discussion 
of these issues. Many thanks to Ruth for returning us to sanity.

Before we moved in people were talking about having cat boxes in the CH and how 
nice it would be to have all the cats playing there. I was not on site yet and 
I asked how many cats there were. I don't remember the exact number but it was 
something like 15 in 43 households. There was no more talk of cats in the CH.

We have residents who are violently allergic to cats so aside from the sheer 
numbers making cats in the CH unwieldy, the desire to have a safe environment 
for everyone has meant no cats in the CH. Confusing the issue, however, is that 
we have two cats that are of a breed known not to trigger allergies. Lines 
wanted to be crossed and confused. Similarly with dogs since we have a service 
dog in the CH regularly. Some pet owners are singularly militant that their 
pets are equal to children and two would allow their pets to run through the CH 
when they thought no one was around.

For many years we had no outdoor cats. We grandfathered 2-3 when we moved in 
but they moved out and we never wrote down the policy. One person had two that 
roamed only on her front corridor. 

Some of us were shocked when two households moved in with free roaming outdoor 
cats and we suddenly had three all over the place again. Pooping in our gardens 
and window boxes and digging so bulbs were exposed (and dead). Fur on bushes 
and balconies. We guarded the bird's nests we knew about.

"We never had any such agreement!" was the selling homeowner's and the Admin 
Team's excuse for allowing them.

People have very short memories. Veeeeeeeery short. I sometimes wonder if 
cohousers are characterized by unusually short memories. Maybe it's what allows 
us to venture forward in cohousing.

Remember those people who don't come to meetings? They don't read the minutes 
either. No agreements ever exist for them. You have to write it down in a place 
where you can find it and where it is clearly stated as a policy. And give them 
no space around "but I didn't know" implying that therefore it doesn't apply to 
them. Ignorance is not only bliss, it is innocence. 

New people, of course, know only what is written down and accessible. They also 
feel tricked and betrayed when they stumble on things that "everyone" knows 
except them them. No writing crucial things like pet expectations down isn't 
fair to them either.

We now have a written policy, no outdoor cats. We've grandfathered in the ones 
we have, by name. I had to make my consent contingent on the names and unit 
numbers being recorded — people wanted to go with "We know who they are" even 
after we had just experienced another instance of clearly not knowing. I wanted 
the names and unit numbers appended to the policy but succeeded only in getting 
them inserted into the minutes along with the record of consent.

The reason for the names and unit numbers is that with such short memories in 5 
years we would be back where we started with discussions of which cat was here 
when and whether this or that was fair to which or what cat. And whose feelings 
would be hurt. Such a list protects people both ways. If Pepper and Salt who 
only occasionally go out were not listed as outdoor cats, someone could 
maintain in 2 years that the homeowner had "suddenly" let them out violating 
the agreement.

This all sounds needlessly complicated but it is as simple as all other things 
in cohousing. This is my private space and this is what I can do there without 
affecting your private space or our common space. This is our common space and 
this is what each of us can do there that allows us to share it equally without 
affecting the private space of another or preventing them from equal access to 
common space.

That seems to change every 5-10 years as children grow, adults age, and 
households turn over. Write it down and review it. We don't. In my opinion, 
because we are so busy dealing with the effects of not having written 
agreements when we started.

Sharon
----
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org