Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Pets, Cats, Common Agreements [ Was Maintaining the conversation]

[Ingram Paperny (shakermillinn]

We at that The Inn at the Shaker Mill Farm are engaged in developing
alternative , affordable rententional  options to traditional co housing
concepts and would like to offer a suggestion to open a civil conversation
on the possibility of a community that would embrace pets and pet
enthusiasts, in a pet friendly environment that would recognize their value
and their needs. Ingram Paperny

-----Original Message-----
From: Sharon Villines [mailto:sharon [at] sharonvillines.com] 
Sent: Monday, June 27, 2011 10:18 AM
To: Cohousing-L
Subject: [C-L]_ Pets, Cats,Common Agreements [ Was Maintaining the
conversation]



On 27 Jun 2011, at 8:42 AM, Ruth Hirsch wrote:

> These have been two big and important topics: CH use, and pets/dogs.
Please do write how your communities are doing on these, or even on the
current one: dogs-- actually, we have neighbors with concerns about cats
doing in song birds, so if you have any cat policy, pleas do tell.  

Keeping the conversation focused on the aims of cohousing, actual practices,
and actual research I think will ground the conversation in helpful
discussion of these issues. Many thanks to Ruth for returning us to sanity.

Before we moved in people were talking about having cat boxes in the CH and
how nice it would be to have all the cats playing there. I was not on site
yet and I asked how many cats there were. I don't remember the exact number
but it was something like 15 in 43 households. There was no more talk of
cats in the CH.

We have residents who are violently allergic to cats so aside from the sheer
numbers making cats in the CH unwieldy, the desire to have a safe
environment for everyone has meant no cats in the CH. Confusing the issue,
however, is that we have two cats that are of a breed known not to trigger
allergies. Lines wanted to be crossed and confused. Similarly with dogs
since we have a service dog in the CH regularly. Some pet owners are
singularly militant that their pets are equal to children and two would
allow their pets to run through the CH when they thought no one was around.

For many years we had no outdoor cats. We grandfathered 2-3 when we moved in
but they moved out and we never wrote down the policy. One person had two
that roamed only on her front corridor. 

Some of us were shocked when two households moved in with free roaming
outdoor cats and we suddenly had three all over the place again. Pooping in
our gardens and window boxes and digging so bulbs were exposed (and dead).
Fur on bushes and balconies. We guarded the bird's nests we knew about.

"We never had any such agreement!" was the selling homeowner's and the Admin
Team's excuse for allowing them.

People have very short memories. Veeeeeeeery short. I sometimes wonder if
cohousers are characterized by unusually short memories. Maybe it's what
allows us to venture forward in cohousing.

Remember those people who don't come to meetings? They don't read the
minutes either. No agreements ever exist for them. You have to write it down
in a place where you can find it and where it is clearly stated as a policy.
And give them no space around "but I didn't know" implying that therefore it
doesn't apply to them. Ignorance is not only bliss, it is innocence. 

New people, of course, know only what is written down and accessible. They
also feel tricked and betrayed when they stumble on things that "everyone"
knows except them them. No writing crucial things like pet expectations down
isn't fair to them either.

We now have a written policy, no outdoor cats. We've grandfathered in the
ones we have, by name. I had to make my consent contingent on the names and
unit numbers being recorded - people wanted to go with "We know who they
are" even after we had just experienced another instance of clearly not
knowing. I wanted the names and unit numbers appended to the policy but
succeeded only in getting them inserted into the minutes along with the
record of consent.

The reason for the names and unit numbers is that with such short memories
in 5 years we would be back where we started with discussions of which cat
was here when and whether this or that was fair to which or what cat. And
whose feelings would be hurt. Such a list protects people both ways. If
Pepper and Salt who only occasionally go out were not listed as outdoor
cats, someone could maintain in 2 years that the homeowner had "suddenly"
let them out violating the agreement.

This all sounds needlessly complicated but it is as simple as all other
things in cohousing. This is my private space and this is what I can do
there without affecting your private space or our common space. This is our
common space and this is what each of us can do there that allows us to
share it equally without affecting the private space of another or
preventing them from equal access to common space.

That seems to change every 5-10 years as children grow, adults age, and
households turn over. Write it down and review it. We don't. In my opinion,
because we are so busy dealing with the effects of not having written
agreements when we started.

Sharon
----
Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org




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