Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: The Red Mercedes [was Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks"]

[Wayne Tyson (landrest]

Dane, et al:

Your message comes from a place where we all can be rather more than less, 
but we are in the clutches of culture (mortgages, laws, pepper-spray even 
though you're behind the barricades, and other general absurdities borne of 
affluenza). Thanks.

That we "have to" scratch up snips and shards of social interaction despite 
cultural trappings rather than through a culture that facilitates it, is a 
sensed travesty which cohousing has the potential to transform. Realizing 
that potential is not "easy," but it is a fitting, and I think natural, 
challenge. It is not fantasy--it is vision. One in which rests, if it rests 
anywhere, the "salvation" of the degradation of life that culture has handed 
us. We can take back our souls, and we can restore our birthright, and we 
can reject the pottage that cultural manipulation spreads before us. The 
temptation is wearing thin, eh?

WT

PS: I hate to send you on a scavenger hunt, but one of my favorite articles 
of all time is not available on the Internet. The title is "Leisure and Our 
Inner Resources," by Alexander Reid Martin. It appeared as an insert (dark 
green paper, making it difficult to copy) in Parks and Recreation magazine 
(in the 1970's I believe). I can't locate my copy right now, but maybe you 
can find it through a library--remember those?) Your story reminds me of it. 
Martin put me wise to Homo Ludens: A Study of the Play Element in [sic] 
Culture; also well-worth reading.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Dane Laverty" <danelaverty [at] gmail.com>
To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Sent: Monday, October 03, 2011 10:36 PM
Subject: Re: [C-L]_ The Red Mercedes [was Consensus, Majority Vote, 
"Blocks"]


> Sharon, I love your story of the red Mercedes. It's been on my mind for 
> the
> past couple days. (I'm going to wax reflective, so I hope you'll indulge
> me.)
>
> Cohousing is my red Mercedes. Since I discovered cohousing a few years ago
> and I read Chris Hanson's *The Cohousing Handbook*, it's become a sort of
> imaginary panacea for me. Here's how cohousing works in my mind:
>
>   - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside into the brisk
>   morning. My best friend Jeremy, who lives next door, is out waiting for 
> me.
>   We walk quietly through the dew-covered grass of the commons area and 
> past
>   the garden, and take the walking trail up to the top of the hill near 
> our
>   community. We talk about life, families, and plans, and enjoy watching 
> the
>   sunrise together.
>   - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside into the brisk
>   morning. I sit down with my hot chocolate on a patio chair. I spend the 
> time
>   alone in the quiet stillness of the morning.
>   - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside to meet the morning
>   dance group. We breathe, move, and run through choreography in the lawn
>   together.
>
> ...
>
>   - I spend my days in artistic and creative pursuits: writing, game
>   design, philosophy, choreography, teaching, and reading.
>   - I spend my days outside with the kids. They play and I keep an eye on
>   them, chatting with the other parents.
>   - I spend my days under trees, by riversides, over grass, and across
>   landscapes. I enjoy the sun, the shade, the wind, and the earth.
>
> ...
>
>   - When I come home in the evening, it's my night to cook. I make dozens
>   of burritos and we gather out to share dinner together while our kids
>   provide the chaotic entertainment of being kids.
>   - When I come home in the evening, I get my djembe and join in 
> improvised
>   song and music with my neighbors.
>   - When I come home in the evening, after dinner I play Settlers of Catan
>   in the CH with my friends, enjoying the magical peace of the night.
>   - When I come home in the evening, I lay down on the grass and watch the
>   stars.
>
> ...
>
> But that's not how cohousing works. In reality, I don't imagine that 
> living
> in cohousing would contribute to almost any of the items on my list. What 
> is
> currently preventing me from enjoying my sunrises, my shade dappled 
> forests,
> and my quiet evenings of solemn peacefulness? It's the fact that I've got 
> a
> job and a mortgage, that I have family responsibilities and children to
> raise. It's the fact that my email is more tempting than my front yard. 
> It's
> the fact that it's easy to imagine doing things spontaneously with 
> friends,
> but in real life those kinds of activities take planning and leadership 
> and
> energy. I've got meals to prepare, a house to clean, a wife to love, and a
> career to attend to. Cohousing doesn't make any of those things go away.
>
> All that said, I'd still jump at the chance to live in a cohousing
> community. Even if it's not everything, it can be something, and it sounds
> like something wonderful.
>
> D
>
>
>
> On Sat, Oct 1, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Sharon Villines
> <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com>wrote:
>
> > What about problem solving?
> >
> > Compromise suggests already determined solutions/demands/proposals and 
> > each
> > side has to give up something. From Dictionary.com: "a settlement of
> > differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of
> > conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal 
> > modification
> > of demands."
> >
> > If the objective is to find the best solution possible to address
> > everyone's needs, then commitment to creative problem-solving would be
> > needed. The solution doesn't yet exist.
> >
> > I used to do an exercise in a career planning workshop in which people
> > stated a desire to have or to avoid something and then the group analyzed 
> > it
> > to determine exactly what practical solution would address it. The lesson
> > was that we are often perfectly happy with a small change when we are
> > obsessing about a huge change. Most of us don't even like huge changes.
> >
> > One person wanted a red Mercedes. Totally out of the question but a daily
> > disappointment, and on weekends led to depression. After many layers of
> > questioning about what was really important, it was to have a long drive 
> > in
> > the country on weekends in a nice shiny new car. Solution: Rent a car 
> > once
> > or twice a month. Not only possible, but more enjoyable than having
> > responsibility for a high-crime-target Mercedes.
> >
> > Another wanted to live close to work and had spent years looking for a
> > place she could afford. Never going to happen. Ultimately what she really
> > wanted was to avoid packed-like-sardine-cans subway trains every morning.
> > Solution: go to work early and have breakfast at a diner or at your desk.
> >
> > Often the most seemingly obvious solutions were a surprise to the person
> > needing them. But I can't think of any cohousing examples just now.
> >
> > Sharon
> > ----
> > Sharon Villines
> > Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> > http://www.takomavillage.org
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
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