Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: The Red Mercedes [was Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks"]

[Dane Laverty (danelaverty]

Thanks for the articles suggestions, Wayne. Incidentally, why do you put a
"[sic]" after the "in" in "A Study of the Play Element in [sic] Culture"?

D


On Wed, Oct 5, 2011 at 1:30 PM, Wayne Tyson <landrest [at] cox.net> wrote:

>
> Dane, et al:
>
> Your message comes from a place where we all can be rather more than less,
> but we are in the clutches of culture (mortgages, laws, pepper-spray even
> though you're behind the barricades, and other general absurdities borne of
> affluenza). Thanks.
>
> That we "have to" scratch up snips and shards of social interaction despite
> cultural trappings rather than through a culture that facilitates it, is a
> sensed travesty which cohousing has the potential to transform. Realizing
> that potential is not "easy," but it is a fitting, and I think natural,
> challenge. It is not fantasy--it is vision. One in which rests, if it rests
> anywhere, the "salvation" of the degradation of life that culture has
> handed
> us. We can take back our souls, and we can restore our birthright, and we
> can reject the pottage that cultural manipulation spreads before us. The
> temptation is wearing thin, eh?
>
> WT
>
> PS: I hate to send you on a scavenger hunt, but one of my favorite articles
> of all time is not available on the Internet. The title is "Leisure and Our
> Inner Resources," by Alexander Reid Martin. It appeared as an insert (dark
> green paper, making it difficult to copy) in Parks and Recreation magazine
> (in the 1970's I believe). I can't locate my copy right now, but maybe you
> can find it through a library--remember those?) Your story reminds me of
> it.
> Martin put me wise to Homo Ludens: A Study of the Play Element in [sic]
> Culture; also well-worth reading.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Dane Laverty" <danelaverty [at] gmail.com>
> To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
> Sent: Monday, October 03, 2011 10:36 PM
> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ The Red Mercedes [was Consensus, Majority Vote,
> "Blocks"]
>
>
> >
> > Sharon, I love your story of the red Mercedes. It's been on my mind for
> > the
> > past couple days. (I'm going to wax reflective, so I hope you'll indulge
> > me.)
> >
> > Cohousing is my red Mercedes. Since I discovered cohousing a few years
> ago
> > and I read Chris Hanson's *The Cohousing Handbook*, it's become a sort of
> > imaginary panacea for me. Here's how cohousing works in my mind:
> >
> >   - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside into the brisk
> >   morning. My best friend Jeremy, who lives next door, is out waiting for
> > me.
> >   We walk quietly through the dew-covered grass of the commons area and
> > past
> >   the garden, and take the walking trail up to the top of the hill near
> > our
> >   community. We talk about life, families, and plans, and enjoy watching
> > the
> >   sunrise together.
> >   - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside into the brisk
> >   morning. I sit down with my hot chocolate on a patio chair. I spend the
> > time
> >   alone in the quiet stillness of the morning.
> >   - I wake up just before the sunrise and step outside to meet the
> morning
> >   dance group. We breathe, move, and run through choreography in the lawn
> >   together.
> >
> > ...
> >
> >   - I spend my days in artistic and creative pursuits: writing, game
> >   design, philosophy, choreography, teaching, and reading.
> >   - I spend my days outside with the kids. They play and I keep an eye on
> >   them, chatting with the other parents.
> >   - I spend my days under trees, by riversides, over grass, and across
> >   landscapes. I enjoy the sun, the shade, the wind, and the earth.
> >
> > ...
> >
> >   - When I come home in the evening, it's my night to cook. I make dozens
> >   of burritos and we gather out to share dinner together while our kids
> >   provide the chaotic entertainment of being kids.
> >   - When I come home in the evening, I get my djembe and join in
> > improvised
> >   song and music with my neighbors.
> >   - When I come home in the evening, after dinner I play Settlers of
> Catan
> >   in the CH with my friends, enjoying the magical peace of the night.
> >   - When I come home in the evening, I lay down on the grass and watch
> the
> >   stars.
> >
> > ...
> >
> > But that's not how cohousing works. In reality, I don't imagine that
> > living
> > in cohousing would contribute to almost any of the items on my list. What
> > is
> > currently preventing me from enjoying my sunrises, my shade dappled
> > forests,
> > and my quiet evenings of solemn peacefulness? It's the fact that I've got
> > a
> > job and a mortgage, that I have family responsibilities and children to
> > raise. It's the fact that my email is more tempting than my front yard.
> > It's
> > the fact that it's easy to imagine doing things spontaneously with
> > friends,
> > but in real life those kinds of activities take planning and leadership
> > and
> > energy. I've got meals to prepare, a house to clean, a wife to love, and
> a
> > career to attend to. Cohousing doesn't make any of those things go away.
> >
> > All that said, I'd still jump at the chance to live in a cohousing
> > community. Even if it's not everything, it can be something, and it
> sounds
> > like something wonderful.
> >
> > D
> >
> >
> >
> > On Sat, Oct 1, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Sharon Villines
> > <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com>wrote:
> >
> >>
> >>
> >> What about problem solving?
> >>
> >> Compromise suggests already determined solutions/demands/proposals and
> >> each
> >> side has to give up something. From Dictionary.com: "a settlement of
> >> differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of
> >> conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal
> >> modification
> >> of demands."
> >>
> >> If the objective is to find the best solution possible to address
> >> everyone's needs, then commitment to creative problem-solving would be
> >> needed. The solution doesn't yet exist.
> >>
> >> I used to do an exercise in a career planning workshop in which people
> >> stated a desire to have or to avoid something and then the group
> analyzed
> >> it
> >> to determine exactly what practical solution would address it. The
> lesson
> >> was that we are often perfectly happy with a small change when we are
> >> obsessing about a huge change. Most of us don't even like huge changes.
> >>
> >> One person wanted a red Mercedes. Totally out of the question but a
> daily
> >> disappointment, and on weekends led to depression. After many layers of
> >> questioning about what was really important, it was to have a long drive
> >> in
> >> the country on weekends in a nice shiny new car. Solution: Rent a car
> >> once
> >> or twice a month. Not only possible, but more enjoyable than having
> >> responsibility for a high-crime-target Mercedes.
> >>
> >> Another wanted to live close to work and had spent years looking for a
> >> place she could afford. Never going to happen. Ultimately what she
> really
> >> wanted was to avoid packed-like-sardine-cans subway trains every
> morning.
> >> Solution: go to work early and have breakfast at a diner or at your
> desk.
> >>
> >> Often the most seemingly obvious solutions were a surprise to the person
> >> needing them. But I can't think of any cohousing examples just now.
> >>
> >> Sharon
> >> ----
> >> Sharon Villines
> >> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> >> http://www.takomavillage.org
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> _________________________________________________________________
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> >>
> >>
> >>
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> >
> >
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