Cohousing-L Mailing List: How to Heal, and a detail about "amends"

[Rick Gravrok (rick.gravrok]

Hello fellow cohousers,

	I'd like to get your advice about what it takes for healing 
to happen...      I was thinking that after a violation or bully 
behavior, healing is greatly helped when three steps happen, where 
one of those steps is an apology. However, after some recent 
exploration of the subject, I have a new line of thinking, so I offer 
up this question to you:

as an alternative to a verbal apology, aren't amends also healing?

It seems that while some people are willing to volunteer a verbal 
apology, others may not be inclined to do so, for whatever reason or 
reasons. And yet, when there has definitely been a positive change in 
behavior since the violations - can't we take that change in behavior 
as a real sign of amends?

So, for me, I'm shifting to a newer understanding/belief/awareness 
stated like this:

Healing is more likely to happen, when these three steps occur (voluntarily):

Acknowledgment of wrong-doing. (healing the past)
Apology and/or Amends to those who were offended. (healing the present)
Accountability with a commitment to, and/or an ongoing experience of, 
improved behavior. (for future healing)

        Please let me know what you think it takes for real healing to happen.

        - Thanks.

Rick

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Rick Gravrok
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