Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Unprogrammed suites

[Eris Weaver (eris]

> We paid a lot of money for the workshop to determine the number of units
in our community, and, as someone who sold her single family home to 
> create something wonderful with like-minded individuals, I feel threatened
by people who cheerfully ignore the agreements we created.  
> I valued the autonomy in my single-family home to create and maintain
beauty, peace, and order for my family; I thought cohousing would be a
civilized 
> and safe place to co-create beauty, peace, and order while having fun and
being connected.

Welcome to reality! Beauty, fun, connection, yes indeed! Civilized and safe
-- most, but not all, of the time. Order? I had to give that one up long
ago.

One thing that cohousers in general tend NOT to be very good at is
confronting folks about their problematic behavior. The sooner you have the
difficult conversation, the better! (Especially before he finishes it and
moves somebody in!)  AND I agree that this conversation needs to be bigger
than just between you and the individual building the unauthorized unit; his
actions will have consequences for the whole community, and it needs to be
treated as a community issue and NOT just an interpersonal issue. You can
talk about hard things, you can do so in a caring and respectful way that
stills holds people accountable.  

------------------------------
Eris Weaver, Facilitator & Group Process Consultant
eris [at] erisweaver.info
707-338-8589
http://www.erisweaver.info

fa cil i tāt: to make easier