Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Common meals - mandatory participation?

[Doug Huston (huston]

Here in Ashland, Oregon we have 13 households. 
Previous to building, when we acted as developers for the community, valuing 
meals highly was instilled in our community’s culture from reading the 
literature about cohousing.
Personally, when I read about those bigger communities in Denmark in which one 
cooks one night a month and eats someone else’s cooking every other night of 
the month - it sounded fantastic to me.
I don’t know about meals being the heart of community, but there are lots of 
small important things that take place when eating and cleaning and preparing 
together. 
Without some regular collective activity, it would be problematic for those 
small important things to occur.
In our community we have two community meals per week. That leaves five nights 
a week for members to do whatever they want.
Members whose circumstances make eating with us problematic are encouraged to 
join us to socialize with the rest of us before or after they eat, or to bring 
their own food.
The huge majority of our community participates in community meals.
One person has found her way to participate who did not much in the beginning. 
Even back then she would sign up occasionally when her internal sense of 
responsibility drove her to feel that she’d been eating enough without pitching 
in that it was time to compensate.
One household generally does not attend. 
Occasionally members take their food ’to go’ to eat it at home.
It is a strong expectation that members participate. Getting stuck on whether 
it’s mandatory or not seems besides the point, though I ‘feel’ the charge about 
this leeching through the responses in this list serve thread. I have certainly 
experienced that tension in our community, though not really about this topic. 
In my opinion, it’s not usually about the topic anyway.
Some members revel in cooking, others don’t want to or are intimidated and are 
only prep helper or cleaner.
The quality of our meals is very, very good. I think the perceived or internal 
pressure to produce a fantastic meal has diminished over time, but the quality 
has not.
We have always said we would provide a vegetarian option. We have, although 
since there are not many who choose that diet, sometimes won’t if we know that 
person(s) won’t be there. We have had parents who are visiting for awhile make 
meals, as well as partners of members - though they don’t live here. Offsite 
members have also cooked. 
We have very rarely had a hole in our sign-ups that resulted in not providing a 
meal.

Like Fresno, The cost is the cooks' cost divided by attendees kids are 1/2 
price. The cost cannot exceed $5.00 per adult unless the cooks pre-announce it. 
Costs usually come out well below the aforementioned amount. Cooks get credit 
for their expenses against which they eat.

Our younger than 18 years old members are just now beginning to become 
incorporated into the cooking rotation.
Some cooks have a firm cutoff day/time, while others are more flexible.
We have adapted to changing diets, more lately often providing a vegan meal, or 
at least an option.
We made it clear from the beginning that we would not accommodate everyone 
dietary preference or requirement. 
Occasionally we’ll have a potluck, but that is in addition and usually has to 
do with a holiday or celebration of sorts.

Doug Huston (Ashland Cohousing Community, Oregon)


On Aug 24, 2014, at 7:55 PM, Elizabeth Magill <pastorlizm [at] gmail.com> wrote:

> 
> To be clear, we are quite young: five years since move-in. So I am certain 
> that your point is relevant to the discussion. 
> 
> On the other hand, I expect that if we drop the centralized planning we will 
> lose at least one meal a week, maybe two.
> 
> It is a strategy I think a community could use to jump start their program, 
> and then talk about how to reduce the centralization after a year or more of 
> successful meals. Since we have quite slowly added new households it is quite 
> clear that our successful meals program is what has helped get more people 
> involved in it.
> 
> (And it takes about the same amount of time to do the planning as it does to 
> cook a meal by the people who spend most of a day at it.)
> 
> -Liz
> (The Rev.) Elizabeth M. Magill
> www.worcesterfellowship.org
> www.mosaic-commons.org
> 508-450-0431
> 
> 
> 
> 
> On Aug 23, 2014, at 11:24 PM, David L. Mandel <dlmandel [at] pacbell.net> 
> wrote:
> 
>> 
>> I'm glad that works for Mosaic, but for other communities not able to 
>> sustain such a level of central planning, scheduling and assigning, I've 
>> described before our much simpler system: Everyone is expected to be on a 
>> cook team, and based on general peer pressure, almost all participate. But 
>> the teams form themselves, range in size from one to four, schedule their 
>> own meals and divide labor as they choose. The quota, usually observed, is 
>> one meal per team member per quarter. With 36 people participating (an 
>> educated guess), that averages 12 meals a month.
>> Payment is also simpler than many other systems I've heard about. If you 
>> sign up to eat a meal, your account is debited by a standard amount. When 
>> you cook, your account is credited for your reported expenses. It generally 
>> balances out, with very occasional need for correction, e.g. for some people 
>> who cook regularly but rarely eat others' meals. The task of bookkeeping is 
>> minimal, and we recently simplified it more, eliminating itemization on the 
>> monthly statements all receive.
>> 
>> It has worked well for 21 years.
>> 
>> David, Southside Park, Sacramento
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> On Saturday, August 23, 2014 6:40 PM, Elizabeth Magill <pastorlizm [at] 
>> gmail.com> wrote:
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> I'm also at Mosaic, and took on the "meals boss" role at the start
>> because that was my (almost) whole reason for joining cohousing (also,
>> I didn't want to cook or clean). (We actually don't call the role
>> meals boss, we call it "scheduler")
>> 
>> In looking at what other communities do, and from what I have read I
>> think a major difference of our community and others is that scheduler
>> role. We have people who don't want to ask other people to be on a
>> meal team, and we have people who are afraid they won't be asked to be
>> on a team. The scheduler assigns folk to teams, relieving the pressure
>> of asking others and the risk of them saying no.
>> 
>> The meals scheduler takes everyone's schedule, preferences, roles they
>> like  (Cook, assistant, clean-up) and creates the schedule for the
>> next two months. The new meals scheduler has added a "community
>> scheduling time" when anyone interested can come and help with this
>> task.
>> 
>> I also agree that we have had, from the start, a lot of great cooks,
>> and even as we have added new folk the percentage of people who love
>> to cook has been high.
>> 
>> ALSO I'll note that many communities that say "you have to cook"
>> actually mean you have to be part of the team that makes meals happen:
>> you may cook, clean, shop, etc.
>> 
>> In our community saying "you have to be on a team which will then
>> figure what your role will be" will not fly. People want to know that
>> they will be clean-up or assistant or cook.
>> Even our assistant position, which was intended to be worked out
>> between the cook and the assistant turns out to be almost always the
>> same sorts of tasks... not variable.
>> 
>> Liz Magill
>> 
>> On Fri, Aug 22, 2014 at 1:17 PM, Diana Carroll <dianaecarroll [at] 
>> gmail.com> wrote:
>>> 
>>> What Cat said...but looking a little deeper, maybe it's a product of the
>>> specifics of our group culture, which was shaped in part by a very long,
>>> difficult and emotionally painful development period. It took us several
>>> years to find land, including several painful (and expensive) false starts.
>>>  During that whole period, our twice monthly Sunday afternoon meetings
>>> followed by potluck dinners were the glue that held the group together.
>>>  Those shared meals were THE way the people in the group coalesced into a
>>> community.
>>> 
>>> When we finally did get built and move in, our common house was unfinished
>>> and unavailable for a year or so (maybe more?  The memory is dim.)  it was
>>> hugely frustrating, and a big part of that was not having shared meals.  We
>>> ended up using the first floor of one of our unsold units for common meals,
>>> which was logistically difficult, but having meals together was just *that*
>>> important to us.  When our common house kitchen finally came online, we had
>>> literally *years* of pent up frustration at the difficulty of sharing
>>> meals.  So participation in our shiny new meals program was VERY
>>> enthusiastic.
>>> 
>>> Lots of people have moved in since our difficult early years and did not
>>> experience the frustration directly, but I think they pick up on the
>>> culture that was developed before they got here.
>>> 
>>> ...
>>> 
>>> I also think we lucked out and got a freakishly large percentage of
>>> skilled, enthusiastic cooks.
>>> 
>>> Diana
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> 
>>> On Fri, Aug 22, 2014 at 9:57 AM, Cat Belfer <catya [at] pobox.com> wrote:
>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> On 8/21/2014 4:34 PM, Sharon Villines wrote:
>>>> 
>>>>> On Aug 21, 2014, at 11:58 AM, Diana Carroll <dianaecarroll [at] gmail.com>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>> 
>>>>>  Mosaic commons meal program is voluntary and we have 3-4 meals a week
>>>>>> most
>>>>>> weeks. I also think it's pretty popular.
>>>>>> 
>>>>>  From what you have read here, why do you think your program works and
>>>>> others haven't been able to get i higher than one a week. We have many
>>>>> people who would like more meals but it doesn't happen in a regular basis.
>>>>> We tend to have one meal that a group self-organizes, and occasional
>>>>> celebrations of one kind or another.
>>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> I definitely can't speak to why other communities don't get higher than
>>>> 1/week, and of course Diana may have a different take on the answer to
>>>> this.  I'd say that in part it's the will of the group and important to us,
>>>> and in part we have a great schedule boss & supporting cast (I'm one of the
>>>> supporting cast).
>>>> 
>>>> We just did the meal schedule for September and October, and couldn't
>>>> quite pull off 13 meals each month because of the number of cleanup
>>>> volunteers, so we landed at 12/month.
>>>> 
>>>> I'm happy to talk about our system with whomever, or write it up...
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> On 8/21/2014 4:59 PM, Muriel Kranowski wrote:
>>>> 
>>>>>   I wonder if size of community makes a difference. How many households /
>>>>> adults live at Mosaic Commons and how many are at a typical meal?
>>>>>    Muriel
>>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> 31 households.  probably ~60 adults?  A BIG meal is 45+, a SMALL meal is
>>>> 15-, typical is probably 30.
>>>> 
>>>> 
>>>> --
>>>>      - cat
>>>> 
>>>> Catya Belfer   -  www.catya.org
>>>> Technical Director   -   www.cohousing.org
>>>> Cohousing in MA - www.mosaic-commons.org
>>>> 
>>>> 
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>>>> 
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>> 
>> 
>> 
>> -- 
>> -Liz
>> (The Rev.) Elizabeth M. Magill
>> Worcester Fellowship
>> www.worcesterfellowship.org
>> 508-450-0431
>> 
>> _________________________________________________________________
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>> http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
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> 
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