Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Contentious issues?

[Chris Hansen (itschrishansen]

Another 'P' is politics...
'nuff said!
Chris

On Wed, 16 Sep 2020 at 13:49, Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <
cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:

> Rob Sandelin used to say parents, pets, poisons.
>
> Poisons could be expanded to the more general topic of the environment but
> it doesn’t begin with a P.
>
> Sharon
>
> > On Sep 16, 2020, at 12:38 PM, Mabel Liang <mabel [at] twomeeps.com> wrote:
> >
> > I think I heard a list from Jim Snyder-Grant of New View Cohousing
> (Acton , MA) that included more P's.
> >
> > Progeny (= Parenting)
> >
> > Pennies (= Money)
> >
> > Puffing (= Smoking)
> >
> > And yes, we have made it so someone has to go off of our tight urban
> site in order to smoke.  None of our homes are single detached homes, and
> smoke spreads too easily.
> >
> > -- Mabel :-)
> >
> > mabel [at] twomeeps.com
> > Mabel Liang
> > Software Engineer turned Gardener
> >
> > On 2020-09-15 19:02, Elizabeth Magill wrote:
> >
> >> The causes of conflict
> >> Pets
> >> Participation
> >> Parenting
> >> Parking
> >> Past Annoyances
> >> Plus More....
> >> and lately
> >> Police (and signage about them)
> >> Also, Nudity, Guns. Smoking.
> >> Those are the topics with the most controversy.
> >> Before you have all the members you need the most important
> controversial
> >> topics are the ones that will affect new buyers--the things that you
> want
> >> later people to *know* and *accept* before they move-in.
> >> For example, you can't have a policy that says "no guns in any
> situation"
> >> if you want a police officer to be allowed to move in.
> >> If you say "no public nudity" then no public nudists will move in.
> >> If you say "no outdoor cats" ....
> >> Are you going to restrict smoking that happens inside homes? In
> backyards?
> >> Are you going to make it so people can't have family members that smoke
> >> visit?
> >> Each decision is easier in small group, and determines whether later
> people
> >> will feel welcome....
> >> Which is not to say that it is unwelcoming to state your values ...
> some,
> >> different people won't move into your community *unless* you say no
> public
> >> nudity or no guns or no outdoor cats.
> >> Other items are hard to know before you move-in. Somehow it never
> >> occurred to us that our very young children would ever drive cars. So 2
> >> parking places per home seemed totally logical. If we'd made a *policy*
> >> about that before move-in we'd have to change it later. Because the fact
> >> is, lots of people aren't going to tell their teens they can't have a
> car
> >> just because 12 years ago we made an agreement about it.
> >> Liz
> >> Mosaic Commons Cohousing, Berlin, MA
> >> On Tue, Sep 15, 2020 at 6:33 PM Chris Hansen <itschrishansen [at] 
> >> gmail.com>
> >> wrote:
> >> Our recent memorable conflict was about putting political signs with
> >> messages on them (rather than candidate signs) in front of the property.
> >> It was protracted and contentious and we eventually came to an agreement
> >> where a person warns intent giving residents opportunity to object a
> >> certain number of hours before it will be erected.
> >> cheers
> >> Chris
> >> On Tue, Sep 15, 2020 at 1:11 PM fergyb2 via Cohousing-L <
> >> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> >> I agree with Muriel, ignoring never works, what does is careful and
> >> respectful talking it through.  Here at Swans Market we are a small
> urban
> >> cohousing Community 20 years after move in and we have never had to use
> the emergency voting option that was put into our bylaws so nervous banks
> would lend to us.
> >> That's not to say we haven't had our share of contentious issues.
> >> When we get into trouble it's usually through impatience and rushing to
> a
> >> decision in spite of some folks reservations.  When you do that,
> >> resentments build and it becomes harder to reach consensus on the next,
> >> unrelated issue that comes up.  We are so used to rushing to a decision
> in our culture it's hard for people to get used to the amount of time and
> >> effort required to reach a good decision that everyone understands and
> can live with.  There is no substitute for talking it through and really
> >> listening to each other.  We also have brought in outside Cohousing
> >> professionals to facilitate meetings on occasion when we have gotten
> stuck. A useful strategy I recommend.  And facilitator training on consensus
> >> decision making BEFORE move in so you all start with some basic skills.
> >> Good luck to you in this adventure we call cohousing.
> >> Bonnie Fergusson
> >> Swans Market Cohousing
> >> Oakland, CA land of the many smokes currently
> >> Sent from my iPad
> >> _________________________________________________________________
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> >> -- Chris Hansen
> >> 32 East Village Drive
> >> Burlington
> >> Vermont 05401
> >> USA
> >> Ph 603 3988730
> >> _________________________________________________________________
> >> Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
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> > _________________________________________________________________
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> >
> >
> >
>
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-- 
Chris Hansen
32 East Village Drive
Burlington
Vermont 05401
USA

Ph 603 3988730