Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Racial Diversity in Cohousing

[Sarah Lesher (sarah.lesher]

Before I moved into cohousing I lived (as a white person) in a majority
minority working class neighborhood, in Silver Spring, Maryland but

 inside the Washington Beltway.



For me the shock was moving to the very vanilla Northeast, though I'd gone
through the shock repeatedly on my semiannual or more frequent visits
north.



But that Silver, MD, community never really came together with the block
parties, etc. that more ethnically/economically uniform communities
managed.  (We had a single McMansion surrounded by modest bungalows, like
the one torn down that the Mansion displaced, a sort of a weird symbol of
our differences.)



Decades ago I had a Black roommate who distanced herself when we graduated
and she got into Black Power. I understand now, in a way I didn't then, why
she felt that way.  But it didn't help improve interracial communication.
Likely neither of us was up to it then.



And I've spent a lot of time feeling "othered" when traveling or living
abroad.



Check out the story on public radio's The Moth this week about an adopted
Korean who never felt he fit in either the US or Korea.



What the Korean who told that story and I have both apparently felt is that
we humans are evolutionarily inclined towards clannishness.  Even with good
intentions, and living as the "other" in a society rubbing elbows daily,
the only people I saw succeeding for a time in bridging substantial
cultural gaps were Peace Corp Volunteers and others who "went native,"
dressing like and marrying locals.  And at least one of those divorced his
African wife, a herd of goats as alimony and child support for their
daughter.



So I, having (without going to that extreme) "leaned into" several
different communities in different countries with different cultures, I'm



skeptical about the degree to which we as humans who evolved to live in
small homogeneous societies (some anthropologists say roughly 150 people)
can even with the best of intentions reach across this divide.



But this theory -- of 150 people "clans" -- might be counteracted by some
evidence that Neanderthals lived in very large social groups.  Though, even
though many of us have a few Neanderthal genes, we are Homo sapiens,
not Homo neanderthal.



Heck, I've had Millennials tell me that they didn't really feel comfortable
moving into a community that was heavily Boomer!



I love having a broader discussion on this, especially since I am neither
anthropologist nor sociologist nor speaking for anything beyond my limited
personal experience.


--Sarah Lesher


--

On Sat, Feb 18, 2023 at 9:26 PM Kathleen Lowry <
kathleenlowrylpcclmft [at] gmail.com> wrote:

> Carol, I’m tired too- didn’t use enough words I think. Such a complicated
> topic. Thanks again- I’ll remember what you said. Kathleen
>
> > On Feb 18, 2023, at 6:15 PM, carol collier via Cohousing-L <
> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> >
> >  Kathleen, maybe because I am tired, but I guess I am missing your
> point.  What “different culture?” I was trying to respond to what the Black
> minister allegedly said about his culture. Maybe that wasn’t clear in my
> message. Or, maybe my message got sent just to you. I’m not sure.
> >    On Saturday, February 18, 2023, 01:55:19 PM HST, Kathleen Lowry <
> kathleenlowrylpcclmft [at] gmail.com> wrote:
> >
> > Carol, thank you for speaking up. I am sorry- I didn’t really know that
> to some people it is offensive to talk about a “different culture” Thanks
> very much for the education! Kathleen
> >
> >> On Feb 18, 2023, at 4:35 PM, carol collier via Cohousing-L <
> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> >>
> >>  As a life long African-American, I really take offense to whomever
> described us this way. I say shame on them for stereotyping their own
> people in such an ignorant way.  We come in all flavors. No one in my
> family talks that way. Actually, no one I associate with talks that way ,
> except people of all ilk that I see in the criminal justice system, and
> very few of them would dare to do this around me. The majority of my
> African-American children are vegan/vegetarian. I can well afford to live
> in cohousing. Yeah, I have Boulder income. We can talk about the biases
> that have been ingrained in ALL of us about African-Americans. There is
> some testing from Harvard University, The Implicit Association Test, that
> one can do for free. For me, I don’t need a certain percentage of POC
> around me. I just want to feel welcomed, not an outsider. There are things,
> sometimes subtle, that suggest to me that I will likely or unlikely be
> welcomed.
> >>     On Saturday, February 18, 2023, 04:46:18 AM HST, Zev Paiss <
> zevpaiss [at] gmail.com> wrote:
> >>
> >> Friends,
> >> While I applaud the desire to have racial diversity in our Cohousing
> communities, what is required for this to happen is typically far beyond
> the ability (or comfort level) of most current residents or development
> professionals. I do not say this lightly as diversity is something I have
> worked to achieve for the past 30 years.
> >>
> >> Racial diversity appears to be a desire of the mostly white upper
> middle class college educated residents. Why is that?
> >>
> >> I worked on a Denver Cohousing project many years ago where low income
> residents were the primary demographic. A comment from a black pastor
> highlighted the challenge. When white folks think of diversity, they
> imagine having at least one black, Hispanic, and Asian household in their
> community to help satisfy their desire for racial diversity. From the
> perspective of the black community they would begin with 50% black
> households and go from there. I am curious how us lilly white residents
> would feel living in a cohousing neighborhood where 50% of your neighbors
> are black, use language you might consider offensive. (Yo nigga wass up?)
> and sharing meals where vegan and vegetarian options are nowhere to be seen?
> >>
> >> As much as we would like to add this kind of diversity I do not see
> existing coho residents being up for the task. My opinion only.
> >>
> >> Zev Paiss
> >> Nomad Cohousing, Founding Member
> >> Boulder, CO
> >> 720-232-3826
> >> _________________________________________________________________
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