Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Experience with mediators?

[Alan O'Hashi (adoecos]

Sounds like your two members need NV therapy. You’re lucky you discovered your 
problem early. At my place we’ve had ongoing power and control issues involving 
a few people that festered to the point that members felt unsafe and 
participation dropped.


We convened a series of sharing circles after one blow up late last year which 
in my view have had limited utility on the whole, but a few of the problem 
people have recognized their foibles and taking personal action. Generally 
speaking, people don’t like to be called on their sh!t, especially people who 
have gone through life being in control. That doesn’t work in a consensus 
community.


My suggestion to burning souls is to be very precise about your community story 
so you’ll attract the people you want. you’re only seeking 30 or so households, 
not 300. The only time a community can self select members is upon formation. 
My other suggestion is to get to know people early in the process while folks 
are relative strangers. 


Most everyone will get along at a high level - book reading, taking walks, 
going to coffee. In cohousing residents are part of a team and not a bunch of 
individuals who have to share leadership and power and not hoard it like in the 
outside world.


i use a Myers Briggs game. Writing this is a reminder that i should dust that 
exercise off since my place has a few new people.


Good luck helping to reimagine Superman’s American Way!


thx


alan o



Alan O'Hashi - Cyber Office
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> On Jan 8, 2025, at 4:16 AM, cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org wrote:
> 
> [C-L]_ Experience with mediators?