Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community (Lisa Kuntz)

[Mary Kay Doyle (marykaydoyle]

I agree with you completely Lisa, I do not know what traditional
self-managed communities are, but it's not cohousing. Our membership
committee's "vetting" process is not about the property or even the
available unit, as much as it's about relationships, engagement,
participation, and cooperative culture. It's exhausting for both the
membership committee and the prospective member, but we feel this is
critical and non-negotiable. We facilitate prospective members and current
members getting to know each other. One recent prospective member said it
felt like speed dating.

Cohousing is about relationships, not property. It's tricky to navigate,
but we attempt to flush out any past relationship issues. If a prospective
member doesn't have a healthy relationship with any other social group
(i.e., family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc.) they are NOT going to
be able to suddenly have a healthy relationship with their fellow cohousing
members.

Mary Kay Doyle, Membership Committee
Elderberry Cohousing
Rougemont NC
elderberryvillagepoa [at] gmail.com



On Sun, May 18, 2025 at 6:16 AM <cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org> wrote:

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> Today's Topics:
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>    1. Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community (Lisa Kuntz)
>    2. Re: Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community
>       (Elizabeth Magill)
>    3. Re: Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community (Lisa Kuntz)
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Sat, 17 May 2025 11:31:42 -0700
> From: Lisa Kuntz <lisa.kuntz [at] daybreakcohousing.org>
> To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: [C-L]_ Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community
> Message-ID:
>         <
> CAJf2sgi8nUddi-mHuB7gVb30LFM+i_dJ2o_OneG+iRsJUtGL3A [at] mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8"
>
> When I chose to move to a cohousing community nine years ago, I did a lot
> of preparation and chose my community after following several cohos online
> for a few years, as well as visiting and "interviewing" with a couple in
> person.
>
> I thought that the concept of *cohousing *was a bit different than the idea
> of a traditional *self-managed community, * the difference being the
> expectation for not just participation but for social engagement and
> collaboration. What if those expectations are not communicated before
> people buy or rent?
>
> What I am curious about:
>
>    - Does a  *cohousing community *become just another *self-managed
>    community, *if there are no expectations communicated to potential
>    "members?"
>    - If a community offers only realtor-type tours, without relational
>    information, is it still *cohousing*?
>    - If a community ceases to feel comfortable with any type of
>    conversational/interview process to support potential buyers, is it
> still
>    *cohousing*?
>    - If there is no process to help buyers determine whether or not they
>    wish to live in a *relationally* oriented community, what happens to the
>    term "members?"  It seems to me as though we are just "residents."
>    - What happens when there is no concrete process to educate buyers about
>    how the *social fabric* differs from that of a traditional self-managed
>    community?
>    - Some of this transition to feeling like a traditional, self-managed
>    community rather than what I think of as cohousing, is due to Fair
> Housing
>    concerns.
>
> I don't know whether these thoughts will resonate with others, but if they
> do I would appreciate your feedback.
>
> Lisa Kuntz
> Daybreak Cohousing
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Sat, 17 May 2025 16:55:24 -0400
> From: Elizabeth Magill <pastorlizm [at] gmail.com>
> To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community
> Message-ID:
>         <CAEiam=+
> TngfjVs+8R0EDLL8zAdntPP4TATjwdWKRgO2-+q7tmA [at] mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8"
>
> I've never heard of a "traditional self-managed community".
> What is it?
>
> I haven't found a connection to how well we do our reselling (sometimes
> really working on it, other times dropping the ball)
> and whether the folk decide to be involved in the community after they move
> in.
>
> -Liz
> (The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill
> Pastor, Ashburnham Community Church
> Minister to the Affiliates, Ecclesia Ministries
> www.elizabethmaemagill.com
> 508-450-0431
>
>
> On Sat, May 17, 2025 at 2:32?PM Lisa Kuntz via Cohousing-L <
> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
> > When I chose to move to a cohousing community nine years ago, I did a lot
> > of preparation and chose my community after following several cohos
> online
> > for a few years, as well as visiting and "interviewing" with a couple in
> > person.
> >
> > I thought that the concept of *cohousing *was a bit different than the
> idea
> > of a traditional *self-managed community, * the difference being the
> > expectation for not just participation but for social engagement and
> > collaboration. What if those expectations are not communicated before
> > people buy or rent?
> >
> > What I am curious about:
> >
> >    - Does a  *cohousing community *become just another *self-managed
> >    community, *if there are no expectations communicated to potential
> >    "members?"
> >    - If a community offers only realtor-type tours, without relational
> >    information, is it still *cohousing*?
> >    - If a community ceases to feel comfortable with any type of
> >    conversational/interview process to support potential buyers, is it
> > still
> >    *cohousing*?
> >    - If there is no process to help buyers determine whether or not they
> >    wish to live in a *relationally* oriented community, what happens to
> the
> >    term "members?"  It seems to me as though we are just "residents."
> >    - What happens when there is no concrete process to educate buyers
> about
> >    how the *social fabric* differs from that of a traditional
> self-managed
> >    community?
> >    - Some of this transition to feeling like a traditional, self-managed
> >    community rather than what I think of as cohousing, is due to Fair
> > Housing
> >    concerns.
> >
> > I don't know whether these thoughts will resonate with others, but if
> they
> > do I would appreciate your feedback.
> >
> > Lisa Kuntz
> > Daybreak Cohousing
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> > http://L.cohousing.org/info
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 3
> Date: Sat, 17 May 2025 15:17:45 -0700
> From: Lisa Kuntz <lisa.kuntz [at] daybreakcohousing.org>
> To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Cohousing vs "traditional" self-managed community
> Message-ID:
>         <
> CAJf2sggJN2jmHr+pzaEKidwysx+PYQk_c4LRe1aLEMjGAGvRTw [at] mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8"
>
> It hadn't occurred to me until recently that there are *self-managed HOAs
> *that
> are not cohousing.
>
> Here is one link. Self-managed HOAs Pros and Cons
> <https://www.hoamanagement.com/self-managed-hoa-pros-and-cons/>
> AI Overview of Self-Managed
> <
> https://www.google.com/search?q=self-managed+HOAs&oq=self-managed+HOAs&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBggAEEUYOzIGCAAQRRg7MggIARAAGBYYHjIICAIQABgWGB4yCAgDEAAYFhgeMggIBBAAGBYYHjIICAUQABgWGB4yCAgGEAAYFhgeMgYIBxBFGDzSAQg1NzE4ajBqNKgCALACAQ&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&safe=active&ssui=on
> >
>  HOAs.
>
> Still exploring!
>
>
>
> On Sat, May 17, 2025 at 1:56?PM Elizabeth Magill <pastorlizm [at] gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > I've never heard of a "traditional self-managed community".
> > What is it?
> >
> > I haven't found a connection to how well we do our reselling (sometimes
> > really working on it, other times dropping the ball)
> > and whether the folk decide to be involved in the community after they
> move
> > in.
> >
> > -Liz
> > (The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill
> > Pastor, Ashburnham Community Church
> > Minister to the Affiliates, Ecclesia Ministries
> > www.elizabethmaemagill.com
> > 508-450-0431
> >
> >
> > On Sat, May 17, 2025 at 2:32?PM Lisa Kuntz via Cohousing-L <
> > cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> >
> > > When I chose to move to a cohousing community nine years ago, I did a
> lot
> > > of preparation and chose my community after following several cohos
> > online
> > > for a few years, as well as visiting and "interviewing" with a couple
> in
> > > person.
> > >
> > > I thought that the concept of *cohousing *was a bit different than the
> > idea
> > > of a traditional *self-managed community, * the difference being the
> > > expectation for not just participation but for social engagement and
> > > collaboration. What if those expectations are not communicated before
> > > people buy or rent?
> > >
> > > What I am curious about:
> > >
> > >    - Does a  *cohousing community *become just another *self-managed
> > >    community, *if there are no expectations communicated to potential
> > >    "members?"
> > >    - If a community offers only realtor-type tours, without relational
> > >    information, is it still *cohousing*?
> > >    - If a community ceases to feel comfortable with any type of
> > >    conversational/interview process to support potential buyers, is it
> > > still
> > >    *cohousing*?
> > >    - If there is no process to help buyers determine whether or not
> they
> > >    wish to live in a *relationally* oriented community, what happens to
> > the
> > >    term "members?"  It seems to me as though we are just "residents."
> > >    - What happens when there is no concrete process to educate buyers
> > about
> > >    how the *social fabric* differs from that of a traditional
> > self-managed
> > >    community?
> > >    - Some of this transition to feeling like a traditional,
> self-managed
> > >    community rather than what I think of as cohousing, is due to Fair
> > > Housing
> > >    concerns.
> > >
> > > I don't know whether these thoughts will resonate with others, but if
> > they
> > > do I would appreciate your feedback.
> > >
> > > Lisa Kuntz
> > > Daybreak Cohousing
> > > _________________________________________________________________
> > > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> > > http://L.cohousing.org/info
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> > http://L.cohousing.org/info
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
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>
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> ------------------------------
>
> End of Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 256, Issue 15
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