Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Child Custody Cases in Cohousing

[Claire Richards (clairerichardsrn]

I agree with all these positives. I think the big one that stands out is
more outdoor and physical movement than sedentary time inside with screens.
I testified that children need unstructured play time with adults hovering
and telling them "how to play" and they learn about each others boundaries
and needs- that the kids never fight anymore. Its truly amazing in my
experience how peaceful the kids are now and can navigate conflict
independently.

 But the other side is fear mongering. The example cited in the article of
people going into each others home could cause the parent to lose his
children- or at least that's what the other side is arguing for. In
previous cohousing generation, there used to be an open door policy where
children could go into each others house but not anymore- kids have to
communicate and get permission first. Witnesses had to respond to questions
about this "some doors are open" though it wasn't clearly stated what is
harmful about open doors. I guess you are having to trust other adults and
you might be wrong to do so?

The alternative is living in a single family home in a city where the kids
cannot play outside without adult supervision due to cars and other safety
concerns.

Warm regards,
Claire

On Mon, Aug 4, 2025, 4:12 AM Patricia Bailey <editorialcaptive [at] gmail.com>
wrote:

> Claire, because Cohousing ABQ has been working for years to get as many
> children in our community as possible, we have done a lot of marketing
> about the advantages children have in cohousing. Here is a article and some
> additional research that might be helpful. I think the statements made by
> young adults who grew up in cohousing are particularly insightful, and
> counter to the “dangers” of unsupervised children (after all, those of us
> growing up in the 1940s, 50s and 60s seems to have made it to adulthood.
>
>
> https://www.cohousingabq.org/post/looking-for-a-better-way-to-raise-children
> <
> https://www.cohousingabq.org/post/looking-for-a-better-way-to-raise-children
> >
> Free-range parenting is the idea of getting back to a time when kids were
> encouraged to function independently and with as little parental
> supervision as possible. The potential benefit is children who are less
> reliant on electronics, who spend more time in unstructured imaginative
> play, and who learn to problem solve on their own.
>
> Cohousing, by design, helps to make this possible.
>
> And through daily exposure to a wide range of ages, cohousing kids grow up
> to be more communicative and articulate. They learn how to be part of a
> team, to help others, and even to try their hand at leadership.
>
> In a recent fun example at a potluck in our community, most of the kids
> headed down to Jenna and Nolan’s basement and ordered “all grownups out!”
> An hour or so later, the adults were ordered downstairs to “come and see
> the show!”
>
> Nine-year-old Oliver, as ringmaster, introduced the circus acts the kids
> had come up with. Two performers twirled and tossed Hula Hoops back and
> forth. In another act munchkins used a small trapeze attached to the
> ceiling to swing back and forth, spin, and then jump off onto a small
> trampoline. The audience applauded wildly. One studious three-year-old on
> the sidelines took notes, a reviewer perhaps or maybe taking notes for a
> future performance.
>
> This is what a group of kids can do on their own, without any help from
> adults—not just entertain themselves but the whole community. Working
> together derives naturally from playing together.
>
> Older kids will emulate the cohousing skills they learn from watching
> their parents.
>
> A mom at Eco Commons in North Carolina shared this example: “The older
> kids have decided they are in charge of designing the playground and have
> already gone through several rounds of planning. A little while back they
> came to us and asked for help facilitating their meetings. Then they told
> us they would be fundraising so they could have more control over what went
> into the playground. This from a group of kids whose median age is about
> five.”
>
> Children learn how to be part of a team, to help others, and even to try
> their hand at leadership – invaluable skills learned from growing up in a
> cohousing environment.
>
> No traffic to worry about. Cars parking on the periphery. When kids get
> home from school, all they have to do is walk around the neighborhood to
> find entertainment. Other kids of varying ages around. Neighbors out and
> about, or at the common house, or inviting kids to stop in for treats.
> Layout of cohousing community means that many watchful and caring adult
> eyes are on children. Safe. Older kids can get together in the common
> house, and learn from their neighbors or make some money helping out.
>
> > On Aug 2, 2025, at 3:30 PM, Claire Richards <clairerichardsrn [at] 
> > gmail.com>
> wrote:
> >
> > Greetings,
> >
> > I am a witness in a child custody case where one party is trying to take
> > the children by arguing that cohousing is unsafe for children because we
> > allow them to run around "unsupervised", even though parental practices
> in
> > the community are not at all uniform.
> > I wonder if anyone else has experienced a situation like this and if they
> > might be open to sharing how they addressed this.
> >
> > Thank you,
> > Claire
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