Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Child Custody Cases in Cohousing

[Patricia Bailey (editorialcaptive]

Claire, because Cohousing ABQ has been working for years to get as many 
children in our community as possible, we have done a lot of marketing about 
the advantages children have in cohousing. Here is a article and some 
additional research that might be helpful. I think the statements made by young 
adults who grew up in cohousing are particularly insightful, and counter to the 
“dangers” of unsupervised children (after all, those of us growing up in the 
1940s, 50s and 60s seems to have made it to adulthood.

https://www.cohousingabq.org/post/looking-for-a-better-way-to-raise-children 
<https://www.cohousingabq.org/post/looking-for-a-better-way-to-raise-children>
Free-range parenting is the idea of getting back to a time when kids were 
encouraged to function independently and with as little parental supervision as 
possible. The potential benefit is children who are less reliant on 
electronics, who spend more time in unstructured imaginative play, and who 
learn to problem solve on their own. 

Cohousing, by design, helps to make this possible.

And through daily exposure to a wide range of ages, cohousing kids grow up to 
be more communicative and articulate. They learn how to be part of a team, to 
help others, and even to try their hand at leadership. 

In a recent fun example at a potluck in our community, most of the kids headed 
down to Jenna and Nolan’s basement and ordered “all grownups out!” An hour or 
so later, the adults were ordered downstairs to “come and see the show!”

Nine-year-old Oliver, as ringmaster, introduced the circus acts the kids had 
come up with. Two performers twirled and tossed Hula Hoops back and forth. In 
another act munchkins used a small trapeze attached to the ceiling to swing 
back and forth, spin, and then jump off onto a small trampoline. The audience 
applauded wildly. One studious three-year-old on the sidelines took notes, a 
reviewer perhaps or maybe taking notes for a future performance. 

This is what a group of kids can do on their own, without any help from 
adults—not just entertain themselves but the whole community. Working together 
derives naturally from playing together.

Older kids will emulate the cohousing skills they learn from watching their 
parents.

A mom at Eco Commons in North Carolina shared this example: “The older kids 
have decided they are in charge of designing the playground and have already 
gone through several rounds of planning. A little while back they came to us 
and asked for help facilitating their meetings. Then they told us they would be 
fundraising so they could have more control over what went into the playground. 
This from a group of kids whose median age is about five.” 

Children learn how to be part of a team, to help others, and even to try their 
hand at leadership – invaluable skills learned from growing up in a cohousing 
environment.

No traffic to worry about. Cars parking on the periphery. When kids get home 
from school, all they have to do is walk around the neighborhood to find 
entertainment. Other kids of varying ages around. Neighbors out and about, or 
at the common house, or inviting kids to stop in for treats. Layout of 
cohousing community means that many watchful and caring adult eyes are on 
children. Safe. Older kids can get together in the common house, and learn from 
their neighbors or make some money helping out.

> On Aug 2, 2025, at 3:30 PM, Claire Richards <clairerichardsrn [at] gmail.com> 
> wrote:
> 
> Greetings,
> 
> I am a witness in a child custody case where one party is trying to take
> the children by arguing that cohousing is unsafe for children because we
> allow them to run around "unsupervised", even though parental practices in
> the community are not at all uniform.
> I wonder if anyone else has experienced a situation like this and if they
> might be open to sharing how they addressed this.
> 
> Thank you,
> Claire
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