Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Preventing cohousing neighborly awareness from becoming surveillance

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

In the comments on this topic, I am missing the children. Why are the children 
going places where they are not supposed to be? What do the children think 
about the neighbors' complaints about their behavior? What do they think is 
fair? Have the children internalized the attitude that other adults are wrong 
and they can do as they please? Or their mother pleases? 

Are there any consequences or rewards for behavior? 

At Takoma Village, it became common for children to have different rules for 
being inside the common house. Some could not be trusted to take care of 
furniture or the TV at ages when other children were fully responsible. 

Allowing children to be in common spaces without an adult is very different 
than allowing children outside in a single-family home. They will be in a space 
with several other children and many other rules or expectations of both adults 
and children. Everyone has to figure out how to negotiate this.

If the offended child-returners don’t want to participate in discussions, why 
not have the discussions with the adults who will participate? In family 
therapy, help is not refused because some members of the family won’t 
participate.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Riderwood Village, Silver Spring MD
Formerly of Takoma Village, Washington DC