Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Problematic Controlling Personalities and Cohousing

[Berrins (Berrins]

In a message dated 11/7/2000 5:50:43 PM, argyle [at] mines.utah.edu writes:

<< Discussion hijackings are controlled by a couple of factors -- a. we have
ground rules about staying on topic and allowing everyone to be heard, and
b. all members, not just the facilitator, share responsibility for process
awareness, and can (and do) point out if a violation has occurred. 
("Process" meaning how meetings are run, proposals submitted, etc.)  

The facilitator assures the person they have been heard and asks if we can
hear from other people now, or asks if their concern can be discussed
later, at the next meeting, or off-line outside the meeting.  If they say
no (or if another member speaks up in the new topic's favor), the
facilitator checks with the group.  If the group agrees (particularly
anybody whose time on the agenda is getting bumped), the subject gets
changed.  If not, the facilitator has the group's assistance in getting the
discussion back on topic, and most people shut up when they have twenty
people glaring at them.  

Having a strong, savvy facilitator helps.  With practice, even our ramblers
and our "jackrabbit" (as somebody once referred to her discussion style,
from her habit of hopping from subject to subject or haring off on
wild-eyed tangents) have gotten more disciplined.

Sometimes somebody just plain has to be told, as tactfully as possible,
that, while we do want to hear what they have to say, the way they say it
is a problem.

Kay Argyle
Wasatch Commons >>

Well spoken, Kay.  Keeping on topic is challenging when you get a creative 
bunch of people talking.  Repeating what you said, the more folks paying 
attention to process, staying on topic and not being repetitive or pedantic 
(I hope I used that word right), the more efficient your meetings will 
become.  And when you have endless meetings, efficiency is one of the 
hallmarks of a good meeting (creative problem solving and some good laughs 
are others).

One thing that helps is to; 1) have clearly defined goals for each discussion 
and 2) pick an appropriate meeting style that will steer you to that goal.  
E.g., a "popcorn" style for brainstorming sessions, go arounds (with set time 
limits for each person), "fish bowls", breaking down into small groups.  This 
last tactic, if you have the time, gives the chatty ones a place to be heard 
at length without taking up everyone's time.  Be sure to remind everyone what 
the ground rules are for each discussion, especially if a "hijacker" is at 
the meeting .  

All that said, make sure you aren't getting antsy just because its taking 
awhile for someone to get to the point.  Not everyone can organize their 
thoughts into a pithy phrase or two.  


    Roger Berman
    Pathways
    Northampton, MA