Cohousing-L Mailing List: Teens need "A room of their own"

[Racheli&John (jnpalme]

** Reply to note from Sharon Villines <sharonvillines [at] prodigy.net> Tue, 29 
May 2001 09:13:45 -0400
>From Racheli


> --snip-- If they don't want to be a part of the
> > community, they should not have a room devoted to their use.
>   
> This is an interesting point -- that the teens need to see themselves as
> participants in the larger community in order to ask and expect to reap the
> benefits of it. Use of a room should be granted on the same basis as other
> rooms. Teen members should be treated as other members with special
> interests would be. Teens use other rooms and others will occasionally use
> theirs. Rooms have primary purposes but when needed by the community they
> are temporarily used for something else.

I disagree:  
I think that attitudes such as the ones expressed above only
help aggravate teens' feelings of alienation.

For teens (or at least for some of them) to not want to be a part of the 
community is natural, and perhaps even essential.  It's part of their growing 
process, and treating it as if it's a mental or moral deficiency is really
not understanding something very basic.
Secondly, most communities have a children room - because
it's perceived as beneficial for children (and adults!) for the former
to have such a place.  They are not required to "pay their dues" before
they get to have a room, or play on the outdoor equipment, etc.
So, why are people going after the teens? - I guess it's because
at least some teens are saying aloud that they don't want 
grownups around!  (Yet, most grownups think it's ok for them to
have blocks of time when they don't want to have kids around)...

IMO it's *essential* for teens to have a private space, away from
the constant scrutiny and criticism of adults.  Where they can
play loud music; watch TV if they want to; use the internet if
they want to; do mostly anything they wish, as long as it doesn't 
involve abusive behavior towards anybody. It's not only good 
for the teens, it's good for the adults. 
One more point: If teens aren't given some freedom at
home, they'll seek it elsewhere.  This means (in all likelihood) that 
they'll travel somewhere in someone's car.  This someone, most likely,
will be another teenager...  

R. 




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