Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Oops-should have changed the subject

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> Sorry. THat last post should have had the subject changed.

Thanks for thinking of it. I was afraid "Takoma Village has a clean
commonhouse" was going down in  history as this long thread on every topic
that ever got raised in cohousing.

I've written 4 responses to the thread on "growing" and "changing" and
people getting upset when you tell them (in the nicest way) that something
was done wrong. I've erased them all.

One thing that I find helpful is to not tell anyone what I think of them or
how they make me feel, but to figure out why they are behaving the way they
are. That changes my perceptions of them without demanding anything of them
and helps me feel differently about whatever they are doing that I don't
like. One thing that helps me do this is talking to someone who gets along
well with the person. I use their insights and find them much more helpful
than a "serious" talk with the person or raised as subject in a group.
Certainly more palatable than the evaluation sessions we get into at the end
of meetings.

But I'm a task oriented person. How do we get this job done the best way
with the people present to do it? And if no one wants to do it, how else do
we get it done. 

My feelings are my feelings. I express them but they are my business to deal
with. I don't expect other people to work through them for me. Why do people
do this?

Sharon
-- 
In Washington DC where all roads lead to Casablanca


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