Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Committee in trouble

[Martie Weatherly (martiew]

> My question is, How does a community help a committee which is stuck?
> > Becky (from Sonora)

Becky and Grant, I am responding to the list because I think this in an
interesting situation for us all to learn something.


>From Cheryl Charvis-Graves (from a different community):
> When we have an ad hoc
> group working on something, we have them start off with a set of standards
> and criteria by which they are working. The degree of screening would be
> included in that set of standards and criteria. The committee has to have
> that guidance from the community as a whole, it seems to me. If the
> committee is not sure, they get feedback from the community to check and see
> if they are on track.


I totally agree with this. I think this may be the weak point in your
process that has allowed you to be going around and around about this
for months. In our community, there have been times where we have had to
take a step back and sit together and decide what is really important 
This doesn't mean just brainstorming solutions, it means sharing the
feel of the place, how it looks, what's important to each of you, how it
sounds.  Then we prioritized the criteria, weighted them, lumped them
together. And came up with a direction to the team. 


>  So, one question is how to reach compromise when one "need" is framed in a 
>  way that categorically prevents another need from being met?  
>  From Grant
>  Sonora


Compromise has a sense that each side is "giving in." I encourage you to
work with your community to seek the "wisdom of the group." You may need
to do a sharing circle first to get all the frustrations and upset out
about how long this has taken. Some facilitation exercises where you
switch points of view are great for lightening up. Always relate your
criteria and your discussion back to your mission statement, and keep
looking to see how it relates. 

Consensus is not "giving in", it is working together in a group. Once
you  have clear direction to your team, it will be much easier for them
to come up with a solution. And you can lighten the load further by
adopting a solution for six months on a trial basis. Amazing how that
releases the tension. 

Good luck, and let us know how it works out. 

Martie Weatherly
Liberty Village
martiew [at] earthlink.net

PS I would also think it high priority to meet head-on the "strained
relationships" on the team from this. You need to figure out a way to
defuse that and get back in relationship. Oh boy, conflict - an
opportunity for growth!
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