Cohousing-L Mailing List: 50 plus coho and kids tyranny

[Marty Roberts (MartyR]

Wow!  this reminds me of living in cohousing!  there certainly is often 
a clear delineation of needs between our families with kids and 
families without them - about half and half.  I think Rob has told us 
that this is the number one cause of strife in coho communities in his 
experience.  I am reading all sides of this with interest.  I am a 
fifty something single person with no children.  One of the reasons I 
wanted to live in cohousing was to have young children around that I 
could develop relationships with.  (Of course the idealistic edge wears 
off of this after move-in, but still I really enjoy the kids most of 
the time.)

But there are plenty of differences here related to kids.  I have had 
complaints similar to Eris about having too much emphasis on everything 
being kid friendly to the exclusion of fun sophisticated adult-only 
evenings, or exotic foods for dinners, or later times for dinners, or 
adult time with the parents here.  I have been annoyed that we are not 
"important enough" for parents to get baby-sitters to just hang out 
with us, so if they are here, kids usually have to be on the scene - or 
else the parents leave.  I'm sure the parents have a similar list of 
their own.

but I have also developed a lot more understanding of what it is to be 
a parent and the challenges this encompasses.  I think cohousing is 
wonderful for young families - and though it doesn't happen often, I am 
happy when I can have a "play-date" with one of the little kids and 
give her mom time to get something done.

As far as kids running around during meetings, we decided early on that 
that was unacceptable.  All (well most) of our adult members have 
contributed for years to a fund for childcare.  We don't just have 
babysitting during meetings, we have Kids Club!  the kids can't wait to 
go.  We have a couple of preschool teachers that plan art and music and 
other activities for the kids and the kids love it.  It has been a 
perfect solution for us.

Marty Roberts
Two Acre Wood, Sebastopol, CA

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