Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: rules for participation

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On Jan 30, 2005, at 2:40 PM, Lynette Bassman wrote:
> I am a member of the Fresno Cohousing group.  After having our initial 
> presentation in September, we have now formed an LLC with 15 
> enthusiastic families, and are looking for land.  We'll be bidding on 
> a parcel this week.  As we develop our operating procedures, and as we 
> move out of the initial excitement phase, and into this next phase 
> that entails lots and lots of meetings, we are finding that there are 
> a few members that haven't signed up for committees, and some that are 
> on committees, but they don't really participate.

Part of the "process" in cohousing is learning how to work together. 
Some people have had very little experience doing this. Setting rules 
probably won't help because you don't know yet what rules to set. 
Everyone has to find their own way. I think the only "rule" you can set 
is that "this is a cooperative venture and for it to succeed we need 
everyone to contribute time and money. Many people are so over 
committed already, they will have to be asked to do specific tasks. In 
time you learn who does what well and can adjust your expectations 
accordingly.

I do think the group has to be realistic about what they take on. The 
decision about what you are going to do must be accompanied by who is 
going to do this. The group can make these decisions. In sociocracy, 
the team/committee/roundtable defines tasks and selects a person to do 
them. They openly discuss the reasons why this person or that person 
would be able to accomplish the task. The person selected cannot 
decline until the process is finished and must give reasons. As the 
result of being chosen and hearing why they group thinks they are 
capable of a task, they are much more likely to agree to do it.

It amazes me how incompetent people think they are. They often don't 
"volunteer" because they are afraid of doing a bad job. Doing a bad job 
of something you volunteered to do is very embarrassing. (Watch The 
Apprentice!) But if the group has selected you, then it is easier to 
step up and do it. You have their faith and confidence to help you.

Also remember that not everyone thinks meetings are productive or 
enjoyable. Some people are task oriented. Let the meeting people meet 
and let the others take on tasks. Once you separate task-taking from 
meetings, you will find that far fewer, and smaller, meetings are 
necessary and more will get done.

AND finally, remember that people change. They grow with expectations. 
There is far less relationship between performance now and performance 
3 years from now than you could imaging. It is very unpredictable.

In learning theory, expectations have been found to be the best 
predictor of success. If you believe children can learn, they do. If 
children are expected to speak at a young age, they do. Expectations 
are harder to exert on adults but the same principle is about the best 
you've got to work with.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines, Editor and Publisher
Building Community: A Newsletter on Coops, Condos, Cohousing, and Other 
New Neighborhoods
http://www.buildingcommunitynews.org