Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Not Enough Privacy in Cohousing?

[Martin Sheehy (martinsheehy]

I apologise for my poor & ' vain ' attempts at humour & my inappropraite ( ' 
not appropriate ': Probably the word/phrase, more than any other, used by a 
frightened society, to silence the talker-maverick. " Kill the messinger ") 
remarks, perceived, at least by one member of this list, as ' offensive ' .
   
  His kindly shared view of my perception of that movie, which didn't win best 
Oscar, will now give me pause before going to see it. More years ago than I 
care to admit " Victim ", " The Boys in the Band ", " Midnight Express ", etc. 
surely made me ' uneasy '...though not for his extrapolated reasons. And, while 
eschewing ' censorship ' he hints at its ' appropraiteness ' in my case.
   
  As to my ' bestial ' sheep comment, I meant ' chickens ' of course.
   
  I am glader, however, that:
   
  1) Others found my original post on this topic of ' sexualiy in cohousing ' 
as food for thought & constructive, non-judgemental comment, & open, free 
discussion & sharings on this topic,
   
  2) That I live way OUT west, and not in Upstate NY.
   
  Martin.
cameron rabe <camrabe [at] yahoo.com> wrote:
  I have never responded to any of the posts on this
listserve, though I have read many with great
interest, especially as they apply to our forming
community in upstate NY. 

However, Martin's post re: "Not Enough Privacy in
Cohousing" compels me to respond. I feel that his
post, while trying in vain to be humorous, contained
some patently offensive remarks that are not
appropriate in this forum.

First, the title of the film is "Brokeback MOUNTAIN"
-"exotic" enough to be a box office hit and be
nominated for several Academy Awards. While Martin may
have had an uneasy feeling creep over him as he
watched the film, for many others it was a beautiful
love story capturing the struggle to be gay in an
unaccepting straight world. Martin seems to
extrapolate his uneasy feelings about homosexuality to
the entire straight population, indeed to the whole
human race and I assure him that there are many
tolerant folk who would disagree.

He also writes 
>it may come as a
> somewhat rude awakening to some that Neighbor Tom in
> Cottage # 5 is gay, or that Neighbor Larry in
> Cottage # 69 likes sheep ( most especially if the
> CoHousing Community indulges itself in husbandry
> :-.) 

Is this for real?? This is a tired stereotype: linking
homosexuality to bestiality. It's right up there with
"they're going to try to convert your kids." If it
would be such a rude awakening to discover that your
neighbor is gay, why is Martin attracted to cohousing,
where intentionality in relationships is the name of
the game?

I don't support censorship. I do believe, though, that
we are responsible to keep our posts respectful, and I
feel that Martin crossed that line.


--- Martin Sheehy wrote:

> " Sexuality " in societies like ours in Western
> Europe & North America was always taboo as a topic
> ..of interest...of conversation...until very
> recently. OUT wasn't IN 10-15 yrs. ago. BUT, Peoria,
> IL ain't Hollywood or even Greenwitch Village, and
> the subject still has a ' naughty ' air about it.
> So, genes & chromosomes will out.
> Worse still, an uneasy feeling creeps over us as
> humans as we age when presented with the relatively
> exotic ( even those who have seen the movie '
> Bareback Mounting ' or whatever it is called, still
> will, no matter what they thought of the movie---and
> that to a great extent will depend on their sensual
> leanings---find it ' different ' once they return
> home from the theatre.)
> 
> During Phase I of the CoHousing process not all is
> yet revealed, I imagine, and it may come as a
> somewhat rude awakening to some that Neighbor Tom in
> Cottage # 5 is gay, or that Neighbor Larry in
> Cottage # 69 likes sheep ( most especially if the
> CoHousing Community indulges itself in husbandry
> :-.) It may equally be unsetteling to Tom & Larry
> to learn that their Neighbors are rivitted by these
> alien--to The Neighbors--exotic and cutting-edge
> pursuits.
> 
> Oh yes, my cherabim, sexuality and romantic
> entanglements still fascinate well into senior ages.
> 
> ----Martin. 
> 
> Martin Sheehy wrote:
> Someone needs to say it, so I will:
> 
> " I wonder if he's gay or bisexual?. ".......some,
> or many, residents might whisper. 
> 
> My own sense from informal online surveys is that
> there are a lot of aging gay guys OUT there who
> simply cannot afford the affluent ' communities ' in
> coastal FL or Sante Fe, NM, but who feel that
> CoHousing competitively priced units, while within
> their fiscal reach, may be replete with homophobes,
> or even curious persons who find the gay guy '
> exotic '. They've had quite enough of that, thank
> you, during their drone existence in the workforce,
> they sure as heck do not need or want it in the
> milieu chosen for their retirement. 
> 
> Marty S.
> 
> "Jeanne Goodman, JP Cohousing" wrote:
> I would like to say that this is a VERY interesting
> post and something that 
> might be worth pursuing further if I might recommend
> it as a topic for the 
> magazine?
> 
> This post will definitely make me think twice before
> I dare to ask someone 
> if their guest was a date. I think it's hard to know
> when that kind of thing 
> steps over the line of asking as friends who share
> information about what's 
> going on in their lives versus sounding like a
> gossip.
> 
> Are there other taboo topics?
> 
> Jeanne Goodman
> finally in Jamaica Plain Cohousing
> 
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Rob Sandelin" 
> Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 3:18 PM
> Subject: RE: [C-L]_ Not Enough Privacy in Cohousing?
> 
> 
> ...Interestingly enough, in all cases that I know
> of, all the people who 
> left because their privacy boundaries were violated
> all involved sexual or 
> romantic relationships. ... 
> 
>
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