Re: Values in community, was sexuality
From: Emily Pitt (epittearthlink.net)
Date: Tue, 14 Mar 2006 14:35:43 -0800 (PST)
I'm a frequent reader but infrequent poster to this list, and I'm intrigued by 
this conversation. In reference to the post below, Rob and others, I'd be 
curious to know whether or not your communities would feel this way if we were 
talking about inter-religious couples, interracial  couples or 
intergenerational couples instead of a lesbian couple. If there were residents 
who were closet racists or closet anti-semites, how would that be handled in 
your community? If there are families in your community who keep their children 
away from your disabled residents or your African-American residents or your 
elderly residents because they mistrusted members of those groups, would this 
also be described as people exercising a difference in values? At what point do 
we tolerate bias and misunderstanding in our communities in the name of a 
diference in values, and at what point do we overtly ask people to accept the 
diversity of our communities, and help them learn to do so? I'm just wondering 
where this line is for folks. 

For me personally, living in cohousing affords me the opportunity to interact 
with people I might otherwise never cross paths with, and that is very 
important to me. That is one of the most important functions of cohousing. Of 
course that keeps out certain groups, particularly groups that espouse hatred 
or mistrust of people.  I don't necessarily value opinions above people. To me, 
any point of view that espouses the idea that one group of people has more 
value than another is not a point of view that I need to accept or make room 
for. I certainly don't feel the need to encourage closet homophobes or closet 
racists to come out of the closet and express themselves, because I feel that 
their doing so infringes on the rights of others. And to me, that is where one 
person's rights end and another's rights begin.


-----Original Message-----
>From: Rob Sandelin <floriferous [at] msn.com>
>Sent: Mar 14, 2006 10:46 AM
>To: 'Cohousing-L' <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
>Subject: [C-L]_ Values in community, was sexuality
>
>We have a lesbian couple at Sharingwood. The community position as a whole,
>is that we support people and their lifestyle choices. However, within the
>community are a couple of people who might be called "closet" homophobes.
>They are careful not to say anything negative about the couple but they are
>also careful to keep their kids at distance, etc.  The lesbian couple
>clearly does not feel offended or bothered by this, since there is much
>acceptance and friendship. But it still exists.  So having a community
>statement that you are open to all lifestyles does not mean that all your
>members will endorse this personally. 
>
>And this is not a bad thing, this diversity of thinking is challenging to
>the liberal community bias that exists. We all want to think everyone shares
>our values, each and every one. It is not usually the case, and it is kind
>of shock for people sometimes when they run into someone in their community
>who has a different value than we presume everyone has, or is supposed to
>have. Many people when their values do not match the majority simply keep
>that to themselves, eg, they go into the closet, the avoid values
>discussions, etc. It is not easy being the only person who does not hold a
>particular value in a group. 
>


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