Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: RE: tipping point

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

 Having done a fair number of process workshops and interventions in various
cohousing groups it is my experience that labels such as jerk, asshole etc.
are counter productive, they don't define anything useful. I used to teach
that some people don't have very good skills yet, and that you can hold
compassion for them while helping them develop more effective group process
and communications skills. People who are "difficult" generally just need
some additional training work to understand their impacts on others. But to
do that you have to focus off of labels and focus on behaviors and impacts
of behaviors. This is the heart of successful intervention. 

It is my experience that all forming groups are miracles, in that most of
the people attempting to cooperatively build millions of dollars of real
estate developments have often much less experience in working cooperative
process, real estate development and conflict work that almost anybody would
expect them to have. Yet, these under experienced groups have in many cases
gone on to create projects and some nice living environments. 

Once on a flight to a workshop I sat next to a banker who was frankly
unbeleiving that such a thing as cohousing could possibily exist. He said:,
"Hell, husbands and wives can't build houses together without getting
divorced. How do you expect me to believe that a complete group of strangers
could do this?"

He was right in one respect, it is often unbelievable what people do on
their journey of community creation. The notion that people do not change is
not one I subscribe to. I have seen lots of people make large transitions in
behavior, attitude and personality in the course of community. Its not
immediate change, but I have lots and lots of personal change stories,
collected over several years of community gatherings. In fact I would say
such change is normal.


Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood Cohousing, Snohomish County WA
Naturalist, Writer
The Environmental Science School
http://www.nonprofitpages.com/nica/SVE.htm
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