Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: tipping point

[truddick (truddick]

-----Original Message-----
>Date: Sat, 06 May 2006 21:27:25 -0700
>From: Robert Moskowitz <robertm [at] knowledgetree.com>
 "I'm just saying I don't want to buy a house in a cohousing community where
my neighbors are not gung-ho supporters of the group values. What's special
about cohousing is the "co" part. So what's the point of joining a group and
commiting myself to doing my "co" part if my "co" neighbors won't? If I
didn't value the "co" part so much, I could get "housing" tomorrow in any
neighborhood that catches my fancy."

This states your orientation somewhat less aggressively, Robert, and squares
entirely with my conclusion that:

"If your screening
process resembles normal relationship-building (i.e., let's get to know one
another and hang out for a time) then you may err occasionally in your
decisions (just like in other relationships)..."

I'm only posting a reply because I think there are two aspects too important
to lose sight of:

1.  One person's idea of a good "co" may differ wildly from another's, and
even if there's present agreement, people change.
2.  Sometimes we go into relationships thinking there's a "co" there, but
later discover that there wasn't.

It's a matter of perspective; there is no objective, quantifiable "co" out
there, and if you think someone else is violating it, they probably think
you are violating it equally.

Conflict situations are addressed more productively by understanding
individual needs and desires, not by deciding who deviated.
___
  !    _    Thomas E. "TR" Ruddick
  !   !_)   Nunquam Vadis Levis!
      !  \