Re: Seeking advice re mentally ill community member
From: Fred H Olson (fholsoncohousing.org)
Date: Fri, 30 Mar 2007 19:50:59 -0700 (PDT)
Ann Zabaldo <zabaldo [at] earthlink.net>
is the author of the message below.
It was posted by Fred the Cohousing-L list manager <fholson [at] cohousing.org>
--------------------  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS --------------------

Dear Diana --

O dear.  Life does hand us challenges.  And the challenges of living
in community are many and definitely varied.

I agree w/ Sharon that you must take some action now.  And w/ Elana
that getting other health professionals involved is key both to
Earthhaven's health and the health of the woman herself.

This is not an issue you can handle alone -- no matter how many of
you live at Earthhaven.  With the exception of the health care
professional who is a member you do not have the skill or ability to
deal with this situation.  This doesn't mean you don't love her or
want to help her.  But what does love or help look like at this stage?

One thing I think may be fruitful is to find out how to support the
mother in supporting her daughter.   What does she need?  And can you
provide it?  Also, are there other relatives or friends who can help?

Of course, absolutely get help from mental health professionals. Have
them come talk to your community.  Work w/ them to figure out how to
help this woman and to help your community at the same time.

The biggest challenge you may have with the above is hearing
information you don't want to hear. And suggestions for actions you
won't want to take.  BUT if you can at least HEAR the suggestions
maybe you can make some headway.

My last suggestion is that when talking about this issue w/ your
community identify the NEEDS of both groups of people -- those that
want her to be able to be in the community and those who do not.  If
you have someone skilled in Nonviolent Communication (NVC) he/she
should be able to lead this discussion.  In the past few months,
we've had an NVC practice group here at TVC and I've learned that
getting to the needs of people opens up conversation that lead to
solutions rather than staying w/ feelings about something because
feelings are internal but needs can be addressed.

I'll be keeping you in my heart and prayers as you engaged this
difficult issue, Diana.  Please let me know what happens.

All my best,

Ann Zabaldo
Takoma Village Cohousing
Washington, DC



On Mar 29, 2007, at 11:14 AM, Communities Magazine wrote:

> Hello,
>
> I'm seeking help from people who may have dealt with having a
> mentally ill person living in their community. In our case, the
> person is a neighbor who comes over every day and often sleeps here
> on someone's porch, or in the woods. It's a very painful, sad
> situation.
>
>

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